


I Really Wish I Hated You

by InsomniacTiger



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Actually inspired by several Blink 182 songs, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Because these two are always idiots, Blood, Drinking, F/M, Felix Hugo Fraldarius Swears, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Cindered Shadows DLC Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by a Blink 182 song, Its going to get depressing, Just to be safe, M/M, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Scars, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, ashen wolves, sylvix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniacTiger/pseuds/InsomniacTiger
Summary: Felix, along with his bandmates Ingrid and Ashe are about to go on tour. Ingrid and Ashe are eager to play for their fans and promote their newest album. Felix didn't only agree because he's avoiding someone. But it may have influenced the decision. Sylvain? He knows he made a huge mistake two years ago. But will he get the chance to fix it?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 21
Kudos: 48





	1. Emo

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously cannot believe I am starting ANOTHER multi chapter fic. I apologize to anyone who is waiting on an update on another fic. It will happen. As soon as my Inspiration decides to focus rather than be a sporadic monster. Song title from a Blink 182 song... A lot of stuff in this is going to be from their songs.

And it seems like things will never change  
You go on, every cloud is in your way  
And I know you feel empty all the time  
You'll never listen to anything that I say

Emo – Blink 182

* * *

“Felix. The tour is necessary.” Ingrid reminded him once again hoping to breach the wall that he always had up.

Of course the reply was the same as always.

Which was a snort as he continued to test out different chords on his guitar apparently writing a new song.

Already.

They had just released a new album which the record company wanted them to promote by going on tour. However, their lead singer and guitarist was being difficult. As always.

“Please Felix? It might be fun!” Ashe tried.

“We don’t need to promote the album.” Felix finally sighed giving them his full attention. “We have dumbass fans that always pick up our albums without even knowing what’s on them.”

“First, don’t call the fans dumbasses.” Ingrid scolded. “It’s thanks to them that we can even do this. And second, they won’t want to buy our albums if we don’t show that we appreciate them by traveling to their hometowns. Or at least a city near them.”

“If it’s so important to you guys then you go. Do a CD signing tour or some shit. I don’t care.” He set his guitar carefully down in their music room before storming out.

Ashe watched by the window as Felix got on his motorcycle and took off toward main street. “And he’s gone again.”

“He’s such a brat.” Ingrid growled.

“He’s just hurting…”

“Focusing on the music would give him something else to fixate on besides it though. That’s what I’m choosing to do.”

“Just give him time. He’ll come around.” Ashe smiled before heading toward their kitchen. “I’m thinking macaroni and cheese tonight.”

She really was going to stay mad a bit longer at Felix. But Ashe was right, and he was trying to cheer her up by offering to cook.

“That sounds lovely.”

* * *

Felix hated drinking. He never drank for celebratory reasons. If there was something worth being happy over, he actually wanted to experience it sober. Without puking in the nearest garbage can. So, if he was drinking, he was probably irritated. Which was something everyone said not to do. But if the worse that happens is that he has to walk home rather than take his bike… who cares?

“I’m cutting you off man.” Caspar refilled his glass with whiskey once more before making a show of putting the bottle away. “Linhardt’s already passed out in the corner booth so I want to lock up early.

“Fine.” Felix muttered. “Let me finish this last one at least.”  
“That’s why I gave it to you.” Caspar grinned before heading back to wash some dishes.

Felix knew it wasn’t fair to snap at Ingrid. She was just doing what was best for the band. It was what paid the bills, how they afforded their nice house with four bedrooms plus a music room, with a large kitchen for Ashe to cook in whenever he wanted. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done tours before. This was their fifth album release. They knew the drill.

But this was the first release since… _him._

Going on tour would just bring up all the memories.

Not that he cared.

Not that it mattered.

All he was doing was holding back the only two people in this world that still gave a shit if he lived or died.

His phone vibrated on the table making a horrible racket.

It was from Claude.

What the hell did he have to say to him?

****

**_Just thought you should know –_ **

**_we are leaving for a tour next week_ **

**_and one of our stops is there._ **

**_It would be great to see you all again –_ **

**_But I suspect you will be long gone._ **

Shit.

Looks like Ingrid was going to get her way after all. There was no one in hell he was sticking around here if they were going to be playing here.

Slamming some bills on the counter he left and got on his bike to go home.

Once he walked in the door, he heard their voices in the living room and went to meet them.

“Felix! I left you a bowl in the microwave!” Ashe gestured to the bowl in his hand, looked like mac n’ cheese. “Just hit start!”

“Thanks.” He muttered.

Ingrid was watching him with those hawk-like eyes of hers.  
“What is it?” Because of course she knew he was holding back.

“I think… you’re right. We should go. On the tour. I’ll take to Seteth about making plans.”

Ingrid leapt to her feet. “Thank you, Felix! Don’t even worry about it. I will call him in the morning and put it all together. You won’t have to do much of anything except travel and play.”

“Don’t make it too easy.” He gave her a halfhearted smirk before heading back to his room.

A few minutes later they heard his guitar playing muffled through the walls.

“Well. I hate to say it… but you were right. That did change his mind.”

“It’s so stupid.” She shook her head. “But yeah. I knew that’s all it would take to change his mind.”

“It’s really too bad. They were so close…”

“You know how they are. If we were still kids, they would be forced to talk it out and they would for sure make up. But because we’re adults - well at least some of us are - they can run away and never solve the issue.”

Her phone began to ring, and it was _his_ ringtone. The one he had set for himself because he thought it was funny. It was some cartoon theme song. Hearing it always made her miss him, and simultaneously hate him for causing the mess that they were in.

“I’m going to go clean up the kitchen.” Ashe gave a glance at the caller I.D. before whisking away the dishes and disappearing around the corner.

She honestly debated letting it go to voicemail. But she knew she wouldn’t.

“This is Ingrid?”

“Hey gorgeous, guess who is coming your way real soon?”

“Hello Sylvain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashe would make the best mac n' cheese! We know he is an amazing cook and he would make it for the smiles alone! :)


	2. Blame It On My Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much shorter chapter, but I really wanted to get Sylvain and Claude in here because I love them.

I wasn't made for the good life  
I ended up getting stuck on the side of the road  
I tripped and fell on hard times  
Tough breaks are the only kind I know

Blame It On My Youth – Blink 182

* * *

It really shouldn’t have hurt so much. He knew Felix was still mad. He had every right to be. But when he had called Ingrid before he had hoped that she would at least try to make plans with him for coffee. But no. They were leaving. For weeks now whenever they had texted or called, she had kept him updated that, “Yeah Felix is still not budging about the tour.” And now, by some crazy coincidence the stubborn man decided _now_ he was ready to go.

Sylvain sighed resting his head back against the passenger side headrest of Claude’s crappy beat up Toyota Camry. Literally the only reason he had bought it was because he liked the goldish color. And he thought they would have fun fixing up the crappy parts.

Sylvain hated it.

He also wasn’t as stupid as he knew some people believed him to be.

“Why did you text him?”

Claude glanced at him real quick before returning his eyes to the road. “It’s only fair Syl. The way you left things… I think he has the right to choose when he sees you again. Not just you randomly ambushing his house.”

“Who knew you cared so much?”

“I usually am a cold-hearted jerk. Sorry about that.”

Sylvain laughed, but only because of the irony. They both knew that the only cold hearted one was the red head. And Claude was right. His original plan of attack was just that – an attack. That wasn’t fair to Felix. And it wasn’t fair to his two housemates that had to deal with his grumpy ass.

“Listen,” Claude turned down the radio. “I am sorry. It wasn’t my place to interfere with your guys’ fight. I just can relate to Felix on this one a bit. I love you man. But… well you know. I just think its best if you wait until he decides he’s ready to talk to you. And if he was that quick to have them pack up and go on tour… then he’s clearly not ready. Just wait.”

He slowed down on the empty highway to let some birds waddle across safely.

Watching a mother duck wait for every last one of her chicks as they crossed was something that should have been sweet, but Sylvain reached over and honked the horn lightly to scare them across faster.   
“Dude.” Claude rolled his eyes as they continued on.

“You don’t know Felix like I do.” Sylvain grumbled reclining his seat. “He won’t decide that he’s ready to talk to me. He will hold a grudge forever. And I’ll be left out in the rain.”

“No, you won’t. You will be sleeping on my couch forever whining to everyone that will listen about the One Who Got Away.”

“That didn’t make me feel any better.”

“It wasn’t supposed to.”

“I kinda thought you were going a whole different direction when you said ‘no you won’t’.”

“Well that’s your fault for assuming things.”

“Yeah yeah.” Sylvain stared out the window not seeing the nature they were passing by.

“Why don’t you take a nap?”

“How long till we get to the next stop?”

“Over four hours still. Sleep.”

“Fiiine. But only because I know you like to see my beautifully peaceful expression as I sleep.”

“It’s true. I love to not hear your voice because your unconscious.”

“If you keep flirting with me like that, we’ll never make it to the next stop.”

“I think we can manage both.” Claude chuckled.

The car started to slow down, spluttered, then stopped completely.

They stared at the road before them.   
“Tell me a beautiful lie.” Sylvain groaned.

“My dear lovely Sylvain, we are definitely not going to be stuck here more than a few seconds.” Claude declared opening his door and pulling the latch to release the hood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think its a crime that we didn't get a real Sylvain and Claude interaction in the game. I think they would have been great friends.


	3. Home is Such A Lonely Place

I wish that we could save today  
But I know we can't stay the same  
And I keep pushing you away  
Don't wait for me  
Don't wait for me

Home is such a lonely place without you

Home is Such a Lonely Place - Blink 182

* * *

The crowds always called for an encore, and sometimes they talked Felix into a few more songs. But more often than not he just said he was done and declared the show over. Ingrid and Ashe didn’t push him. Their shows went on for hours, and they were all tired. It was clear that Felix wasn’t doing well either. He hardly ate since they left for the tour. Mostly protein shakes and meal bars when Ashe reminded him that it was necessary to eat. There was also the not sleeping thing. Every night they were in the bus they heard Felix sneak out an hour after lights went out. If they stopped at a hotel, it was harder to keep track of him but Ingrid had found some fan pictures posted of him sitting at the hotel bar on more than one occasion. Other times they found him already sitting at the free breakfast bar with nothing more than a black coffee in hand.

“I really thought the tour would help him get better.” Ingrid sighed as she watched Felix head back to his room saying he was going to change into some workout clothes and go to the hotel gym for a bit.

“It was a good idea.” Ashe agreed. “But he seems worse…”

“I don’t know what else to do! Staying home he wasn’t getting anything done. He’d been working on that same song for four months. And out on the road… he’s just miserable.”

“Our next show isn’t for three days. Maybe we can just chill for a bit. Go somewhere that he would like…” He pulled out his phone to search for places their friend might like to visit.

“The aquarium.”

They both jumped in surprise at the new voice.

“Sylvain?!”

The red head was smirking as he pulled up a chair and dropped his elbows onto the table. His hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed and dark circles surrounded his eyes.

“You guys should take him to the aquarium. He likes to watch the jellyfish, but he’ll tell you he wants to see the sharks.”

“What are you doing here?” Ingrid asked finally over the shock of seeing their old friend.

“Claude and I got a room here after a tow truck finally picked us up. We have a show tomorrow the next town over.”

“That’s not on your tour schedule.” Ashe pulled up his calendar app.

“We told the guy we’d put on a small concert in exchange for a lift. We’re still pretty broke.”

“Do you guys need some cash? I have - ” Ingrid went to pull out her wallet.

Sylvain shook his head. “Nah we’re fine. Just a little tight. And Claude’s car is a piece of shit.”

“That’s rude. She got us as far as she could.” Claude settled into the chair next to the red head. “How are you guys doing?”

“Claude! Good to see you!” Ashe smiled.

The blonde just nodded to the newcomer, still not sure how she felt about him after everything that had happened before… he’d always seemed nice. But so did snakes before the launched out and bit you.

“We are planning a day out between shows.” Ashe continued.

“Ah. Anything interesting?”

“I said the aquarium.” Sylvain grinned.

“Of course, you did. Because Felix loves the aquarium.”

“How does everyone know this but me?” Ingrid finally spoke up.

“We went a lot before… well you know. The thing.”

She hummed and took a sip of her tea. It was too early in the morning to talk about _that_. “Where are Dorothea and Hilda?”

“They were smart and went ahead with the instruments on a plane. They’re already at the next location.”

“What are you guys going to do for your new addition to your schedule?”

Sylvain suddenly became interested in finding hash browns at the breakfast buffet.

Sighing Claude spoke up. “It wasn’t totally a coincidence that we met you guys here.”

“I thought so.” Ingrid sighed.

“The thing is, we could do an acoustic show. But we were hoping… that you guys would help us out.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Ashe fretted.

“We’re of course not asking Felix to come. I know he’d rather chew off his arm. But if you guys could come and play with us, we would be extremely grateful.”

“You would owe us.” Ingrid frowned.   
“We’ll add it to the mountain of things we already owe you for.”

“I think we need to take some time and think about it… at least until this evening.” Ashe put in.

The blonde nodded. “I agree, we need to discuss this. And of course, we would have to tell Felix.”

“He is obviously welcome.” Claude nodded. “I just don’t think he’d want to with that,” He gestured to the red head who was flirting with some brunette at the juice machine. “That monster walking around.”

“No. I don’t think he would want to be near that. We’ll call you guys later, come on Ashe.”

They headed back to their room, supposedly to talk about doing a show tomorrow. Though Claude suspected they were more than likely going to discuss how they were going to break it to Felix that the one person he had worked so hard to avoid was staying at the same hotel as them.

* * *

Why the hell were they here?

Felix had stepped back into the lobby after a quick work out and saw Claude and Sylvain at the breakfast table that he had left Ingrid and Ashe at just a little while ago.

There is no way this was a coincidence.

The assholes were following them.

Swiftly he made his way up the stairs to their room where Ashe and Ingrid were sitting on Ingrid’s bed.   
“Hey Felix! How was your workout?” Ashe’s voice called to him as he went straight for the bathroom shucking off his clothes and stepping into the shower.

“It was fine.”

“We were thinking about maybe checking out the aquarium today.” Ingrid said. “What do think?”

“Fine.”

He stepped out and scrubbed a towel through his hair before grabbing the bag that had his clothes and pulling on some jeans and one of his tank tops. “When are you guys planning on telling me that Claude and company were here?”

They both looked so guilty he wanted to punch something.

What the hell was going on?

“Listen… Felix… they are having a hard time. Their car broke down and they are short on money so they had to bargain with someone to do another show tomorrow.”

“And they don’t have the rest of their band and want you guys to help out of the kindness of your hearts.” He finished, scorn in his tone.

“Yes.”

“Do what you want. I’m not your babysitter.” He glared at them. “And I’m not a kid that needs to be watched either. I know what you guys have been doing. I’m fine. We are promoting the album like you wanted. Everything is fine. If you want to go help out another band I don’t care. And I know you don’t expect me to be there.”

“Felix…”

He sighed but shrugged on a hoodie than his jacket. “Didn’t you say we were going to an aquarium?”

“Yes!” Ashe cheered. “I heard they have a really cool jellyfish exhibit here! I love the ones that they usually have the button where you can turn off the light and looks like they disappear? You know the smaller ones that have the tiny tentacle things?”

“Moon jellyfish.” Felix turned around to grab his phone off the charger but Ashe caught the small smile he was hiding. “Sure. We can go see the jellyfish if you want.”

“What do you want to see?” Ingrid asked as she finished braiding her hair.

“I don’t know. Sharks I guess.”

She chuckled. “Sure. I bet they have those too. I wonder if they have otters? I love those.”

“I’ll check their page for a map!”

“Or we can just grab one when we pay for our tickets.” Felix reminded him holding the door open for them.

“Oh yeah! Then we can keep it as a souvenir!”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth is, I love jellyfish so I am forcing my love of them onto Felix. But lets be honest. He would love them too. If only because if you get too close they sting you. Totally a Felix thing. :')


	4. Asthenia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please notice that the rating has changed and some tags have been added. Its getting to the darker stuff real soon here and I want everyone to be safe. :)

My head is made up of memories  
Most of them useless delusions  
This room is bored of rehearsal  
And sick of the boundaries  
I miss you so much

Should I go back should I go back should I  
I feel alone and tired  
Should I go back should I go back should I  
This time I don't want to…

Asthenia – Blink 182

* * *

The aquarium was a great idea. That’s how he knew it had been Sylvain’s. Felix really did try his best to not be horrible to Ingrid and Ashe once they got there. They looked at all the exhibits of course, and when they got to the jellyfish Ashe claimed that he wanted to take a chance to sit and really take in the sight of the large tank that held the sea nettle jellyfish. The only people who knew that Felix loved to sit and watch these was Sylvain. Probably Claude. After a few minutes though Ashe grew restless and he wanted to go to the tide pools and put the sea urchins and starfish so Ingrid went with him promising they would be right back.

But he was in no rush.

The lights were in dim in this room, and there was calming music playing. It was perfect.

It also made him think of Sylvain.

Which wasn’t surprising really.

Sylvain had always been in his life. Since they were small children in fact. His earliest memory was of him and the red head playing hide and seek in their backyard while Glenn searched for them. He had always just followed the older boy’s lead. He was always so good at hiding. He even had a trick for keeping his breathing quieter and called it a ‘secret ninja hiding technique’.

It was years later that Felix learned _why_ Sylvain was so good at hiding. The bruises from Miklan could only be hidden for so long before his best friend found them while they were changing for gym class in middle school. The red head always laughed with the other boys saying he was just clumsy and the other boys bought that. But Felix knew better. Not only was Sylvain smarter than he let anyone know, he was also extremely athletic. When he finally demanded an answer, Sylvain had made him swear to secrecy before answering.

Felix had always regretted making that promise.

Because Sylvain actually told him the truth.

And Felix wanted to murder Miklan.

He wanted to call Glenn and demand that they go to the Gautier house right away.

But he made a promise. So he had to watch as every Monday his best friend came to school with a new set of bruises, the old ones still a yellow green as the blue and purple grew elsewhere.

Then they got to high school.

Miklan had disappeared.

The adults claimed he moved across the country. Sylvain said he probably got killed picking a fight at a bar.

Either way, they never heard from him.

With high school came hormones. Which is when Sylvain started the flirting. Then the flirting turned into… other activities.

Felix had heard his best friend’s voice on the other side of the music room door after school one day, and found the red head with one of the cheerleaders. They were so busy they didn’t even notice him quickly back out and shut the door a little louder than he had meant to.

Word got around anyway and so did Sylvain.

It had hurt.

He felt like he was losing his best friend. There was nothing he could do. He wasn’t even sure why he cared so much.

Then Glenn died. 

Felix missed a month of school.

Sylvain had been at his house everyday begging to see him but the darker haired boy refused to see him.

Instead Dimitri was over every day. He sat with Felix and held him while he cried. He apologized over and over for not being able to help. To do _something_. Because he had been there in the car accident. He should have seen the other car swerving. He should have grabbed the wheel. He should have saved Glenn. He should have saved his own parents that had also been in that car accident.

When they went back to school Dimitri and Felix had become inseparable. That first day back was the first time they had seen Sylvain and Ingrid again. There were hugs and comforting words but nobody commented on how Felix’s hand never left Dimitri’s.

It stayed that way for a long time. It was their senior year and they were starting to think about colleges when Felix found Sylvain stumbling around the football field. It was after school hours and the younger of the two often would run around the track before people began showing up for practices and games.

And Sylvain was already drunk, because he had missed his last three classes.

“Hey Fe.” He had smiled widely and leaned heavily into him.

“Your breath reeks. Go home.”

“You’re always so mean to me.” Sylvain whined nosing at his friend’s neck.

“You’re always a dumbass.”

“Feeeelix.”

The red head had begun nibbling at his neck.

“What is wrong with you?!” Felix shoved him away.

Finally, Sylvain looked at him. Honestly looked at him. But he was angry. “What’s wrong with me?! What about you? You are so cold to me now. You won’t talk to me unless I bug you, you don’t answer my calls, you locked me out of your house. All you care about is getting in Dimitri’s pants!”

Felix just stared.

“Don’t look at me like that! It’s true. You guys are always together.”

“We… we don’t… I’ve never…” He shook his head. “We’re not like that shithead! I don’t think of him that way! He’s just a good friend!”

“I was your best friend!”

“Until you decided to whore yourself out to the whole school!”

“Is that what this is about?! You’re jealous?!”

“Don’t be a dumbass!” His face was red, but that could easily be from the yelling.

“That’s just people talking. I don’t actually sleep around that much.” Sylvain grunted.

“I saw you.”

“What?”

“I saw you! Freshman year, with the cheerleader.”

“Which cheerleader?”

“Does it matter?”

“No.” Sylvain grimaced. “I… ok. Yeah. I’m not great. But I don’t see why you hate me for that. It’s not like we were dating.”

“No. We weren’t.”

There was a long moment of silence as they stared at the grass between them. Sylvain was shifting about a lot, probably still unsteady on his feet.

“I thought you didn’t care.” The older boy sighed.

“What?”

“I thought you weren’t interested in me… like that. So, I was trying to distract myself.”

“With everyone in school?”

“Well. It wasn’t working. I needed to test out everyone.” Sylvain smirked.

“That’s disgusting.”

“I missed you Felix.”

“I missed your dumb ass too.”

“You swear you’re not dating Dimitri?”

“Goddess no.” Felix rolled his eyes. “I don’t even want to go into his issues right now. But definitely not.”

“Would you date me?” Sylvain reached over and grabbed his hand.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? I was hoping for something more definitive. And positive.”

“Maybe if you didn’t smell like piss and stopped sleeping with everything that breathes in your direction.”

“I will definitely stop drinking for you. And I’ll save all the sex for you too.”

Felix’s face felt like it was going to explode. “That’s – you don’t – I didn’t mean -!”

“Can I please kiss you now?”

“No! You still smell like a sewer!” He snapped before walking away completely giving up on his run.

And just like that – they were dating.

Dimitri congratulated them with tears in his eyes. Ingrid said she was glad they finally talked it out and realized they were idiots all along.

Soon after that they started the band. Ingrid had invited Ashe because she knew he was amazing on a piano which was what they were missing. She had drums, Felix played guitar and sang a little, but Sylvain did most the singing along with some bass.

Right out of high school they had small town gigs. And it grew and grew and before they knew it two years later, they were huge. They were famous. They had fans. They had sold thousands and thousands of copies of their first album. Then came several more albums.

* * *

Then the incident.

Dimitri got admitted to a hospital. Someone had found him hurting himself off the side of some highway. The same highway where his parents and Glenn had died. They decided as a band that they would take a break from music to see what they could do for their friend.

It was a few months after this that Sylvain had started drinking again. He had been really good only to have a bit here or there. But soon it turned into him going missing all night. Or stumbling in completely wasted at four in the morning.

Felix tried to not be overbearing about it. Dimitri’s condition was hard on all of them. Some days he would go visit and his friend would growl like a wild animal and try to attack him, other days he would sob apologies, and on some days… he would call him Glenn, and act like it was so many years ago when they were children.

It was after one of these days that Felix found himself drinking more than he would allow normally. Sylvain came home at three A.M. With Claude.

“Hey! Sorry to barge in but this guy wasn’t going to make it on his own.”

“Who are you?” Felix glared.

“The name is Claude, I’m a friend of Sylvain’s.”

“I’ve never heard him mention you.”

“You must be Felix.” Claude smirked. “The possessive boyfriend.”

“I am not!”

“Felix? Or possessive?”

“Possesses... Possessive!”

“If you’re drinking too, I don’t know why he sneaks out to do it at my place.” The man with the bright green eyes dropped the red head onto the nearest couch.

“He… goes to your house?”

“More often than not. Says he likes the way I pour it. I think he just likes that its free.”

Sylvain seemed to wake up in that instant, sitting up and taking in his surroundings. “Claude?”

“Still here.”

Felix lost his temper. “If you want him so bad why don’t you stay with him you cheating shithead!” He got to his feet and stomped over to the couch.

“I am not cheating!” Sylvain seemed to already be in the hangover stages and slept off most of his drunkenness already, but he could see that his boyfriend was not there yet. “Fe, let’s get you to bed…”

“Don’t think you can go to his place for freebies then come home when you're done!”

“Hey it’s really not like that…” Claude tried to step in.

“Shut up! Shut. Up.”

“Felix. Let’s go to bed and talk about this in the morning. After we’ve both slept some of this off.”

“No. Don’t come near me. You like him? Go ahead.” He walked down the hall and slammed the door to their bedroom.

Claude went home.

Sylvain slept on their couch.

The next morning Felix threw a fresh t-shirt at him and waited outside.

They walked for almost a half hour before finally stopping at one of their favorite spots. A scenic view of the town, a forested area off in the distance all from a top a fenced off drop off. The sunrise made it all the more beautiful most mornings.

This was not one of them.


	5. Adam's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the previous chapter - Please notice the new tags and changed rating! There is a suicide attempt in this chapter. Please be safe in your reading!

I never thought I'd die alone  
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?  
I trace the cord back to the wall  
No wonder it was never plugged in at all  
I took my time, I hurried up  
The choice was mine I didn't think enough  
I'm too depressed to go on  
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

Adam’s Song – Blink 182

* * *

“So. Tell me.”

Taking a deep breath Sylvain explained how Claude was someone he had met at the bar a couple months ago. Sylvain had been there playing a game of solitaire having a drink and Claude had taken pity on him and bought him a drink. There had been light flirting, but Sylvain made it clear that he was already taken and was not really interested. The newcomer had backed off instantly but asked if he was interested in a game of chess.

So, they played chess and drank. It was weird but efficiently distracting.

“Distracting? From what? Me?”

“No. Yes. No.” The red head sighed shoving his hands in his pockets looking out at only the view. “Yes. But not because I want to forget you. Because I am jealous. And it’s stupid and childish. And I hate myself for even feeling it. But I can’t help it.”

“What are you possibly jealous of?”

“You spend all your time with Dimitri these days…”

“He’s our friend! And he’s sick! Damn it Sylvain! I am _not_ hitting on him at the hospital!”

“And I know that! I really do! I swear! But… it just feels like… that time all over again. When you avoided me and spent all your time with Dimitri.”

“You mean when my brother _died_?! When Dimitri’s parents _died_?!”

“I told you I hated myself for this.”

“Don’t hate yourself.” Felix muttered as he glared at the horizon.

“Why? I’m horrible. I can’t even believe a person can feel like I do about this.”

“You’re not horrible… you’re right. I have given Dimitri all of my attention for a while now. I’m… sorry. I am.”

“You shouldn’t be apologizing.” Sylvain wrapped his arms around him resting his chin on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been there for either of you really. He is my friend too and I have been despising him for stealing all your time.”

“Let’s fix it then. I will set aside time for just us. And we will both go visit Dimitri.”

“I like that plan.”

“And… if you want to play chess with Claude then you should invite him over sometime. It sounds like it’s our turn to host.”

Sylvain chuckled. “Yeah. It’s well overdue.”

“But Syl… promise me… no more drinking... like that. Drink around me. At home. Don’t leave to go get drunk.”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

* * *

And for a while, it was good. 

Claude quickly became a part of their group. He played guitar and would play with all of them for fun. They watched as he and Sylvain had intense chess matches, and after a few drinks some hilariously loud matches that really didn’t seem to be going anywhere but then ended all too suddenly.

What also ended all too suddenly was Felix’s faith in his best friend, his boyfriend, the one he thought he could trust the most.

Felix and Ingrid had gone to the record label to finish up some last minute details. Ashe was out of town visiting his siblings.

Ingrid had plans to meet up with some friends, and told him that she’d meet him at the house. He decided that since he was already out, he would visit Dimitri. But it was one of his bad days. One of his really bad days. It started with him apologizing to him calling him Glenn and then ended with him trying to attack him suddenly seeing him as the other driver in the accident.

By the time they got him calmed down Felix was exhausted and ready to just lay down.

When he got home, he found the chess board and all its pieces on the floor. There were beer bottles everywhere. Somewhere some loud music was playing from someone’s phone, the smaller speakers butchering the sound. And on the floor next to the couch?

Sylvain and some stranger.

Sylvain’s long legs were straddling the man’s bare stomach, their faces were flushed and sweat had slicked their hair to their faces.

“Felix!” Sylvain’s eyes had never been wider. Or guiltier. “It’s not what you think.”

Claude walked in at that moment. “What in the hell Gautier?”

“Claude!”

Felix watched as Sylvain’s expression became even more guilt ridden.

“I’m… I can’t handle this shit.” He muttered. Glancing over at Claude he offered him his own house key. “Here. Do what you want. I’m done with all of this.”

Then Felix was gone.

By the time Ingrid had come home that evening Sylvain was a sobbing mess. There was a bruise forming on his chin but he swore it wasn’t from Felix. Claude just shrugged when she looked at him for confirmation.

They explained to her what had happened. And how Felix had given Claude his house key then left. That had been five hours ago. He wasn’t answering his phone and his bike was gone.

“ _Something’s wrong_.” Sylvain was pacing. “You didn’t see his face. It wasn’t ok. We need to find him.”

“I think maybe he just needs time away from you.” Ingrid snorted.

Claude had been sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter, the house key twirling between his fingers.

“I hate to ask, but I think it’s important.”

Ingrid looked over at him and read the seriousness of his tone. “Yes?”

“Has Felix ever… seemed reckless?”

“Reckless how?”

“With his wellbeing. Besides drinking and dating a moron.”

Sylvain stopped his laps around the living room meeting Claude’s eyes. “I know where he is. You’ve got to drive me there. Ingrid, you come too.”

“Let’s go.”

* * *

“FELIX!”

He was standing on the other side of the fence facing the drop off. His bike was on its side in the gravel. The screeching off the car tires, the kicking of rubble as the passengers jumped out and ran to the fence, their calling his name, none of it made him move a muscle. His gaze was intent on the drop below.

“Felix. Sweetheart. Please. Oh my god Felix. Please come back over the fence.” Sylvain was begging.

“Felix! Please!” Ingrid sobbed.

“The situation before was really not what it looked like.” Claude tried to inform him. “This guy is an idiot, but not in the horrible way you are imagining. Come back over the fence and we can explain it properly.”

“Enough.” Felix finally spoke up. “I’ve had enough. I lost Glenn. Dimitri is basically gone too. He’s hardly human anymore… Sylvain… you promised me. I can’t. I can’t be Glenn. I can’t _be_ him. I can’t stop you from getting bored of me. I can’t get you to keep your promises. I can’t control anything. I have nothing… I don’t…

“Felix please. I will do whatever you want. I am sorry. You’re right. I didn’t keep my promise. I drank without you. I did. I am sorry. But please come back over here and talk about this.”

“I am so tired… I don’t want to talk.”

Sylvain saw in the corner of his eye as Claude began to walk toward the fence door at the other end of the parking lot.

“Sweetheart… please keep talking to me. Please Felix.”

“Sylvain enough. I failed you. I’m sorry. I chose to waste my time with that… that _boar_ and what did it give me? Nothing. He is a beast. I failed him. I failed you. I wanted to give you the time you deserved. To keep you safe and healthy. But I failed that. I can’t be what Dimitri wants and I can’t be what you need. What else…”

“What about me Felix? I love you!” Ingrid cried. “You have always been like a brother to me. You Felix. You write the most beautiful songs. You created our band. You are the one who saved me from my father’s inane plans! You are my best friend! I need you!”

“Ingrid, I’m sorry.” Felix muttered. “I… I will just fail you too. You needed Glenn. You wanted Glenn. I’m just what’s left.”

He stepped closer to the edge.

Sylvain was clinging to the fence’s chain links so tightly it was cutting into his palms and around his fingers. “Felix! Stop! Please stop!” The tears that were running down his face and blurring his vision made it harder to see but he started to climb.

“Sylvain!” Felix took a couple more shorter steps. “Stop it!”

He closed his eyes and took the last step forward… but was stopped by Claude tackling him to the ground.

The sharp rocks cut into his arms and cheek. Claude was holding him tightly to his chest putting all his weight on him.

Felix began to flail wildly.

“Let me go!”

Sylvain landed heavily next to them dropping right to his knees as he moved so he could take Felix from Claude and pull him into his chest, his grip like steel around him. “You were going to do it weren’t you? Oh my god Felix. You were honestly going to … you were… You aren’t allowed. You don’t get to. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But you don’t get to leave like that. You were really…” He couldn’t stop crying into his best friend’s hair, both of their bodies trembling.

Ingrid landed next to them and sat next to Claude beside them. She took Felix’s freezing hand into her own. Miserable eyes met hers. “I’m sorry…” He whispered.

She tried to smile, but it came out as a sob. “Please come home. Let’s go home. Please?”

He gave a small nod into Sylvain’s chest. “Ok.”

The three of them walked to the gate while Sylvain carried Felix in his arms, refusing to let go of him.

When they got home the two of them collapsed onto the couch intertwining their arms and legs around each other. Ingrid followed them into unconsciousness quickly from the arm chair next to them. Claude paced around the house for a moment, locking doors and windows. Hiding all car keys safely in the freezer just in case. He watched his relatively new, but still very dear, group of friends passed out in their living room before pulling out blankets from the basket by the window and wrapping them around each of them before taking one for himself and settling in the other arm chair and falling asleep.


	6. Sober

I know I messed up and it might be over  
But let me call you when I'm sober  
I'm a dandelion, you're a four-leaf clover  
But let me call you when I'm sober

Sober – Blink 182

* * *

“Hey, are you ready to head back to the hotel?” Ingrid sat on one side of him as he stared at the jellyfish, snapping him out of his reverie.

“I think so. Where is Ashe?”

“He stopped to look at the sea dragons. Their just outside this room.”

Felix got to his feet stretching out his back. “Then let’s grab him and go.”

Ingrid didn’t get up right away though. “Felix… if you don’t want us to play with Claude and him… we won’t.”

He sighed at her. “Look. I really don’t care. I’m not just saying that. You guys do what you want. It won’t affect me. He’s made his choice. I will be waiting for you guys when you get back. Maybe I’ll finally finish that stupid song since it’ll be quiet with you two gone.”

“We are not that loud!” She argued, but grinned anyway.

“Sure. Come on. Let’s find Ashe.”

* * *

“I can’t believe you dragged me here.” Claude complained.

“Aw you love it.”

“Not really… how did you get money for this anyway?”

“I have my ways.”

“I’m going to assume you slept with the receptionist at some point.”

Sylvain shrugged. “Maybe in another life. But this time I just had to smile and ask nicely.”

Claude shot him a withering look. “I really hate that we’re friends sometimes.”

“No, you don’t! Let’s explore.”

“I can’t believe that you dragged me to the aquarium to spy on you ex.”

“I did no such thing. Now let’s go see the jellyfish.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Thank you.” Sylvain smirked.

Claude always talked like he was annoyed but part of knowing him so well meant that he knew he was a lot of talk. Claude like helping people, even when they were ridiculously terrible in their choices like Sylvain. When they got to the exhibit Felix was nowhere to be found. But that was honestly for the best. Sylvain knew that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t spend every waking hour wishing that they could at least be in the same room. It had been… since _then_ since they had shared space together.

* * *

The next morning Sylvain felt exhausted, like he’d run a marathon. Not opening his eyes just yet, unwilling to face the light seeping through blinds, he realized he was on the couch. With Felix. Only one person smelled like the pine woods, or insisted on having his freezing hands under Sylvain’s shirt when he slept. Reaching up just a little he was able to find the silky hair easily and recognized the twist of the strands to tell that he had slept with his hair in that ridiculous knot that always looked so painful. Whenever he slept with that he always complained about headaches in the morning. Carefully so as not to wake him he slowly worked his hand around the hair tie, slipping it around his wrist before running his fingers through the strands to ease the tension that had likely built up on his scalp.

Felix huffed lightly digging his face into Sylvain’s shoulder, fingers lightly pressing into his stomach as he readjusted slightly before seemingly relaxing again.

“Sylvain.” He muttered.

When he hummed in response though there was no answer. Felix tended to talk in his sleep when he’d had a hard night.

The events of the night before came flooding back to him.

His eyes flew open as he looked at the man in his arms. The scrapes on his cheek from when Claude had tackled him, there was a small bruise on his forehead. He pulled him even closer.

He’d almost lost him.

Lost his best friend.

Lost the one person he loved more than anything.

Looking around he saw a note on the coffee table. Reaching over he saw two different notes scribbled down. The first was Claude.

_Hey – Didn’t want to wake you guys. I went back to my place. Call me later. – Claude_

He didn’t say it, but Sylvain knew that his friend was worried about them. If he didn’t call him, he would probably invite himself over for dinner or something. Especially considering he tended to invite himself over anyway.

Just under Claude’s words was another short message.

_Good morning! I went to get Ashe from the airport his flight comes in at 10:30 we’ll probably stop for an early lunch. Text me if you want anything and I’ll grab it on our way home. – Ingrid_

The fact that she was offering to buy him lunch was evidence that she was worried. She never offered to buy him anything because he always stole her food from the fridge. Or ate her leftovers when they got home from eating out.

He had amazing friends who cared and worried.

They were also giving Sylvain the chance to be alone with Felix after last night. Though it seemed like the other half of his soul was still completely passed out. Extracting himself from wherever they slept was never an easy task. First, he had to untangle their legs, then he had to be quick in switching his stomach as Felix’s hand warmer for whatever blanket they were under. Sometimes it didn’t work, but he’d gotten better at it these last couple years. This morning he managed it perfectly and was able to take care of his morning routine in the bathroom before coming back to the living room where everything was just how he had left it. Grabbing a cup of coffee from the pot Ingrid had likely made this morning he poured the small bit of milk he preferred before sitting on the edge of the coffee table facing his sleeping boyfriend.

Last night kept replaying in his head like a lingering nightmare.

But it had been too real.

The defeat in Felix’s eyes. The slump in his shoulders. The closeness that he had stood on that ledge. The fear in his expression when Sylvain had started climbing. The way he had tried to fight off Claude but just completely gave up his struggle once Sylvain had wrapped him in his own arms.

After all of that.

Felix had said he was sorry.

And Sylvain had hated it.

Felix was not the one who should be sorry. Sylvain was at fault here. He had put too much pressure on him. He made him feel like he couldn’t be trusted. That his boyfriend who had a reputation for sleeping around was back to his old habits. That he was drinking again. Instead of being there for Felix when he was going through so much trying to help Dimitri. Dimitri, their friend. But Sylvain hadn’t wanted to help the blonde man, instead he had resented him for taking up so much of Felix’s time and energy.

This wasn’t the first time that they had gotten in a fight. But this was definitely the first time it had gotten this bad.

And it could have gone so much worse.

If Sylvain hadn’t known where he would go… they would have found him much too late. They might not have found him at all. They might have just gotten a phone call days later… it could have been so much worse.

It never could get anywhere that close again.

He wouldn’t allow it.

No matter what, he would be sure that Felix never felt like he had no other choices again.

Felix Hugo Fraldarius was a strong man. He was a fighter to his core.

There were a lot of factors in play last night the even Sylvain was likely not aware of that made him feel that he no other options… but he could help with some of the things weighing him down.

The first was to take away the two biggest issues weighing down on him.

Dimitri and Sylvain.

He didn’t care how much it cost or what he had to do, he would find the best doctor on the planet to come help their friend get better from whatever it was that controlled his mind.

And as for himself… he would leave.

Felix spent more time babysitting him than anything else. That was no way to live. He should be enjoying his life. He was a famous musician. Practically a rock star. He should be having fun writing his music, laughing along with Ingrid and Ashe, going on dates with people who didn’t have twenty tons of bad choices weighing them down.

It killed him to think about not waking up and seeing his face. No longer would he be able to feel the sudden chill every night as Felix snuck his hands under his shirt to rest on his stomach, only for them to warm up and become more comforting then cold or wake up to find that at some point while they were sleeping, they had threaded their legs together. He wouldn’t get to laugh at his easily embarrassed red face, or see the fire in his eyes when he decided to do something. He wouldn’t get to play with the long strands of his hair right before he fell asleep.

There was so much that he was going to miss. Even more than what he could think of. The list went on forever. But he would do it. He would leave.

For Felix he would do anything.

If this is what it would take to help him, he could do it. If only because it was the right thing to do.

How to say good-bye though?

Setting down his coffee cup he shook his head, leaned over to press his lips on the sleeping man’s forehead.

Sylvain was never one to make the best choices.

If he had to be selfless in letting him go, then he would be selfish in how he did it.

He quickly scribbled him out a letter explaining himself and left it next to the one from Claude and Ingrid.

He returned to his room and packed his belongings into the few duffel bags he had kicked under his bed. He wasn’t particularly attached to many material items. He just grabbed his clothes, the framed photo of him and Felix that had been a Christmas present from Ingrid last year, and a few other belongings. Grabbing his guitar and bags he hefted them over his shoulder, gave one last look at Felix on the couch and slipped out the door.

* * *

When Claude heard the knock on his door, he was almost tempted to ignore it. Nobody he knew would just show up without calling ahead. Nobody except…

Sylvain.

Opening the door widely revealed the red head, he had a few bags and a guitar case slung over his shoulders. He smiled that horrible smile. The one that was so fake, but seemed to fool a lot of people.

“Hey, how do you feel about a new roommate?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Sylvain. Guys I really do.


	7. I Miss You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE to mention that on the previous chapter Aurin left a comment saying kind words and that I should try listening to Happier by Bastille. Holy freaking crows guys. Seriously. I had never heard that song before in my life but IT FITS PERFECTLY. I HIGHLY recommend that anyone who enjoyed the last chapter with Sylvain to check it out. Because its basically his theme song at this point. I love it. Thank you again Aurin for the recommendation!

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want,

Where you can always find me,

And we’ll have Halloween on Christmas,

And in the night we’ll wish this never ends

We’ll wish this never ends,

I Miss You – Blink 182

* * *

The stage that they were playing was just inside a bar. The man who ran the towing service also owned this bar apparently and thought that the up and coming band would bring in some new guests, hopefully a younger crowd. Claude explained to Ingrid that this was the only reason he had agreed to put them up in the same hotel. Especially when a certain red head had suggested that they could possibly pick up a band to help out there. Setting up with Sylvain again felt surreal. He made the same jokes he always did and spent the rehearsal and sound check messing around like always. It was almost like nothing had changed.

If only Felix was here.

He would snap at him for goofing off when they needed to be prepared.

But. Those days had passed.

Playing a smaller venue like this wasn’t bad by any means. It was how they started out. It was almost relaxing to have the smaller audience. At least that’s how she had thought it would be, but when people started filling in the tables closer to the stage, she soon realized that it actually made it more intimate.

She couldn’t help but think how Felix would hate being this close to people. Especially after their last show where a fan had reached across and managed to put a sticky note on his jeans with their phone number on it. He had done well not to react negatively at the sudden touch. But he had crumpled the paper as soon as they were off stage.

For the most part it was easy to keep play with Sylvain and Claude. A lot of the songs they played were covers, they played a few of Felix’s songs, and a couple that apparently Sylvain himself had written.

When they were about half way through the night, getting ready to take a break, Sylvain switched out his bass for an acoustic guitar and Claude moved over to the keyboard seemingly knowing where this was going. He signaled for Ingrid and Ashe to take their leave early.

“So, this song I wrote more recently.” Sylvain gave that self-deprecating chuckle as he tuned his guitar quietly. “Its extremely personal, but so are most of the songs that people write. Right?”

Ingrid sat at the bar having grabbed herself a glass of water, needing to rehydrated. It was strange seeing Sylvain this serious. His long bangs covered his eyes as he looked down at his boots playing the first cords of the song.

_“Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue…”_

The song was so sad. Ingrid felt tears pricking her eyes almost immediately. Sylvain had been her friend for as long as she could remember. She had definitely never heard him sound so… alone.

_“Where are you? And I’m so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time…”_

She couldn’t look away. This song was for Felix. There was no doubt in her mind. Sylvain had written this song for him, and he would never hear it. After everything from before… he avoided all of Sylvain’s things like the plague.

_“Will you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight. Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already the voice inside my head. I miss you…”_

Ashe came over to sit next to her, his eyes glued to Sylvain just like she was.

They both were very grateful they decided to help out an old friend tonight. This was absolutely worth it. Even if it had them both in tears.

* * *

Felix sat on the chair on the balcony of their apartment. The cool night air felt like home. Like childhoods in the snow. Of better times.

The truth was the room was too quiet without Ingrid and Ashe. Like Ingrid had said, they really weren’t that loud of a group. But their soft voices were something he had not only grown accustomed to but had come to rely on as a distraction to keep him from going too deep in his own mind. In his lap his guitar sat, long forgotten, to the right he had his notebook and pen set, having finally finished the lyrics to the song that had been plaguing him for months now. Seeing Sylvain and Claude today… it had triggered something in him.

Something he had believed that he had managed to bury.

Reading over the song one more time he decided that maybe it was for the best. It was just the push he needed to get this out.

* * *

“Come with us!” Ashe begged. “You guys could be our surprise opening act or something!”

“What? No way. I don’t need to get murdered. Thanks.” Sylvain laughed, but it was the fake one again.

“He wouldn’t kill you. He needs to hear your song!” Ingrid insisted.

“Uh… no. Nope. One of the best parts of being able to perform songs like that is knowing that he will never hear them.”

“That makes no sense.” Ashe whined.

“Don’t bother trying to reason with him.” Claude shrugged. “We’ve all tried. A lot.”

They were in the hotel lobby saying their good nights. The next morning, they would have to part ways and it was suddenly too much. How could they have gotten this close, and still not talked?

Ingrid was almost furious.

All her life she had known these two. It was always Sylvain and Felix. Always. They fought all the time. But the best part was that they made up, every time. It had been as constant as the sun and stars rising in the east. But now… for them to have been apart _this_ long… to be _this_ close and _still_ not forgive and move on? It was hard to watch.

But she understood.

It had been different this time.

It was no petty argument.

But still. It felt wrong and left a bad taste in her mouth.

“You won’t even try to say hi to him? Just for a moment?” Ashe tried one last time.

Sylvain sighed looking up the stair well that led to where their room was. “Listen. Its better this way. I promise. I know you guys are taking good care of him. And Claude is stuck with my sorry ass.”

“Your ass is going to be sorry if we’re not up and on the road, early tomorrow.” Claude reminded him checking his phone for the time.

“Right. Well, I’ll see you guys at the next time I need a bail out.” He offered as he gave them each a hug.

Ingrid held on a moment longer than necessary. She missed him. This tall idiot. She missed him so much.

“Keep in touch.” She said quietly, her voice getting choked up from wanting to cry again.

“Of course. I’ll try to be better.”

“Good.”

They gave one last round of hugs and goodbyes before actually going their separate ways. When they went into their room, they were careful to be quiet but there was no need. Felix was sound asleep, his headphones on. Every night he slept with at least one earbud in, claiming that the music helped him sleep.

Ingrid knew it was true. The nights he played music he slept through the night. But there had been a few occasions where he had dozed off on the couch and had woken in a cold sweat. His whole body shaking and his eyes blown wide as if seeing something that wasn’t there.

One night, while they had been at the studio taking a break from recording Ingrid had asked him what he listened to, but he never said. Simply stated that he listened to something that managed to fight off the nightmares.

She wanted to wake him now, to tell him about the song that Sylvain had written. To tell him he still had time to go down stairs and find their room. To talk to him about everything. To maybe fix some of it.

But she knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Felix was a stone wall when he wanted to be. And when it came this particular topic he was as silent and immovable as ever.

The next morning, they packed up their things and left for their show without seeing even a hint of red hair or bright green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way that one of my all time favorite songs wasn't making its way into this fic. ;)
> 
> Come visit me on Twitter! @InsomniacTiger its a lot of Sylvix loving hours there.


	8. I Really Wish I Hated You

Every song I sing is still about you  
Save me from myself the way you used to  
'Cause I don't really like myself without you  
I really wish I hated you

I Really Wish I Hated You – Blink 182

* * *

When Felix had shown them his new song she cried. To be fair, Ashe excused himself real soon after he’d finished playing, his voice a bit more raspy than usual.

What was wrong with these two and writing amazing songs? If only they knew.

“Do you want to try playing it in the show tonight?” He asked.

“I think the fans would love a surprise new song during our concert.” She nodded.

“Ingrid, stop crying.” He always got awkward when she teared up.

“I can’t help it. You write such great songs.”

“You don’t always react like that.”

“And you should be grateful.”

“I am.”

When Ashe came back, he was eager to learn the new song for the show tonight.

* * *

“This is a crazy plan.” Sylvain muttered as they dodged through the crowd entering the stadium.

“There is no way that Felix is going to notice you in this crowd. And I know you are just as curious as I am about how well their performances have been going.”

“Hilda and Dorothea are going to be pissed we’re taking so long to get to them.”

“I called Hilda earlier.” Claude rolled his eyes. “She said that they would be angrier if we passed up this opportunity.”

“Fine.”

“Stop being so grumpy because you’re not the center of attention right now.” Claude ruffled his hair.

“You caught me. What I really wanted was just jump on the stage mid show and steal the spotlight.”

“I know. Now come on, our seats are over here.”

* * *

The audience was fantastic tonight. They were singing along, cheering enthusiastically, the show had been sold out. They were nearing the end of the night when Felix paused to get a drink of water between songs flicking some longer parts of his bangs away from his sweaty face. Looking over at Ashe and Ingrid they nodded. They were ready for the new song. It was a great night and they couldn’t ask for a better audience.

“There’s this song that has been haunting me for months now.” Felix tells the crowd as he takes another sip of water. “I was starting to think that it would never be finished. But inspiration hit me recently. Do you guys want to hear it?”

While the crowd cheered loudly, he smirked and drank the rest of his water bottle, quickly handing it off to one of the stage hands who gave him a new one.

“Good. Cause we were going to play it anyway.”

Even though they really had only learned the song this morning they had played it plenty of times and already loved it. What was even better was that Felix seemed more passionate about it then the songs that they were supposed to be playing from their latest album.

_“I’m better when I’m broken. I love you, but I hate you when you're with someone else. And I want you wrapped around me, but I don't trust myself…”_

* * *

Sylvain couldn’t believe the song. His mind was racing with possibilities. Felix had suddenly found inspiration for this song? As in recently? He tried to think rationally. What did that mean? Part of him wanted to believe that this song was for him. That Felix missed him. But. They hadn’t seen each other in forever now. So who gave him this sudden inspiration?

_“The sun is out, I’m dying in the daytime. I think about the future that we left behind, I drank it all, but I can’t shake you from my mind. Now every window’s broken…”_

Claude glanced over at his tall friend and knew instantly what was going through his brain. He was trying to figure out if this song was for him, or if Felix was already moving on. Had he managed to somehow already have a new relationship?

Of course, he knew that the only truth was that this song had to be for Sylvain. He smiled to himself as he thought about the link that he had sent to Felix’s phone last night after their performance. A live recording of Sylvain’s newest song.

_“I can see that you’ve had enough, I can see that you’re giving up on me, I can see that your hands are up… I hate that you’re better off, I numb the pain but it never stops. Wish I could say that I’m better off now…”_

* * *

Ingrid really hoped that Sylvain would see this on some social media outlet later tonight. There were hundreds of people recording this on their phones right now, surely somehow, he would see it. She knew that he still listened to all their music. After the performance that he had given the night before, he deserved to hear this song. If she had thought ahead maybe she could have had someone record it for them then she could have sent that to Sylvain.

_“Every song I sing is still about you, save me from myself the way you used to, ‘Cause I don’t really like myself without you, I really wish I hated you right now. Won’t you say something? Won’t you say something? I really wish I hated you…”_

* * *

When the show was over, they went to sit in Claude’s newly repaired car in the parking lot, waiting for some of the other cars to file out first.

“You should try to talk to him.” He finally said looking over at his friend who had been uncharacteristically quiet since the new song.

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“You can. What happened back then… he doesn’t even know the whole story Syl. If you told him he would forgive you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t forgive me. It wasn’t just that night. There were all the nights leading up to it. All the times he knew I was out drinking… Did you know he told me once in high school he caught me with a cheerleader? He didn’t tell me for _years_. But he watched me throw myself at everything that walked for so long. Why would I be any different?”

“Because you love him?”

“People don’t change so easily. It’s even harder to change your opinion of someone.”

“Especially if that someone is yourself. You need to change your opinion of you.” Claude hated to say it. Because it had been said before.

Sylvain gave him a withering look. “Really? Again? Can we just get back to the hotel already? I’ve got a bottle waiting for me in the fridge.”

“I knew Hilda shouldn’t have sent you those emergency funds.”

“This is an emergency.”

“But the car breaking down wasn’t?”

“I told you to get a new car.”

“We are not discussing this while we are inside of the _perfectly functional_ car that will get us anywhere safely.” Claude said as he patted the dashboard lovingly.

“You keep telling yourself that.”

* * *

They went out to celebrate the show. There were tons of people packed into the bar they had chosen. Other celebrities and reporters of various medias came by to tell them how much they loved the show and the new song was great. Felix nodded and said his thanks, but let Ashe and Ingrid do most of the talking. This was where they took over. He wrote the music and sang the songs, but the publicity stuff was not his thing. When his phone rang, he looked at the caller I.D. and nearly ignored it. But decided against it at the last moment.

“What?”

“Felix, as polite as ever I see.” Seteth’s calm tone said.

“I’m hanging up if you called to criticize my mannerisms.”

“On the contrary I called because I saw the performance tonight. I had to leave early, however I did hear the new song. I wanted to congratulate you. I believe we have another big hit on our hands.”

“Good for you.” It wasn’t that he wasn’t pleased people liked his songs. But he didn’t especially care if they became ‘hits’ or not. He wrote them, it was Seteth’s job to make money off of them.

“I don’t want to burden you with details right now. But I think we can get this out as a single for download in the next few months if you want. Though I would prefer to wait at least another six months. Your last album only released last year.”

“Do what you want. Just text Ingrid when you want us to come in and record.”

“Of course. Always well ahead of the deadlines. You guys are truly my favorite band.”

Felix just grunted before he took a drink of the water he had ordered. He still felt dehydrated.

“I will leave you to your festivities.”

“Fine.”

“Talk with you soon Felix.”

He hung up. It wasn’t that he disliked Seteth. He just didn’t care to speak with him longer than necessary. Ingrid had always gotten along really well with the man and he was happy to let her take charge when it came down to the finer details.

As he skimmed through his phone’s newer notifications, he couldn’t help be see the page he had open still that had the link from Claude. Grabbing his jacket from the seat next to him he slipped out shooting Ingrid a quick text to let her know that he was going back early.

Once back in the solitude of their hotel room he opened the page back up on his phone and turned up the volume.

_“Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the song that gave me the idea for this whole fic. I love it so much! Also. A little insight on some other things. :) I really wanted to get this chapter out this morning because I love this fic a lot but the DLC introducing the Ashen Wolves is dropping tonight and I don't know how distracted I will be for the next few days.


	9. Pin the Grenade

Back down, I feel that you’re leaving me,

Right now, it feels like you’re bleeding me dry,

Slow down, you took away a piece of me,

I don’t wanna let go, don’t wanna let go,

Pin the Grenade – Blink 182

* * *

Seteth had sent Byleth. Which meant that Felix was going to hate whatever it was that she had to say. On more than one occasion he had stormed out or argued with Seteth until their manager simply gave up fighting the stubborn younger man. But he had learned a while ago that if he sent his wife, who was just as stubborn as Felix sometimes things went more in his favor.

“What does he want?” Felix demanded as soon as she had joined them in their newest hotel room. Much larger than their last with a decent sized seating area.

Byleth brushed back her bangs that simply went right back to where they had been before she determinedly met his distrusting gaze. “So you are aware, this was not Seteth’s plan. In fact, he despises the dishonesty of the plan. However, the label’s publicist insists and sales aren’t quiet as high as they had anticipated.”

“The fans don’t like the new album?” Ashe asked.

Byleth gave him a small smile. “No, they do. Your sales are doing fine. There is another band who is newer and they aren’t doing so well.”

“They want us to help another band?” Ingrid asked sounding intrigued.   
“They want us to babysit another band.” Felix growled, disgust in his voice. “Not happening.”

“Don’t you want to hear the offer that they put on the table?” Byleth’s patience outmatched anyone.

“Please.” The blonde girl nodded.

“They want you to help their newest band take off by letting them open for a few of your upcoming shows and etcetera but in return they will host the event you wanted before.”

“The charity concert?” Ashe asked excitedly.

“Yes. They will set the whole thing up for you and help you get other bands to pitch in for the cause.”

Felix narrowed his eyes. “What’s the etcetera?”

Ashe and Ingrid looked at him confused.   
But Byleth understood immediately. He knew how much the label was offering. This charity event was something that they had proposed many times and been turned away. If they were getting clearance now then they must want something large in return.

“It’s a publicity stunt. Cliché as can be.”

“I won’t do it.” Felix muttered.   
“You haven’t even heard what it is yet!” Ingrid protested.

“They want me to fake date someone and be seen with this person all over the place so that people will be interested in both of our music. They want our fans to think that they should buy other music too since we are dating. It’s stupid as hell.”

“That can’t be…” Ingrid glanced at Byleth whose eyes were meeting hers, but looked saddened all the same.

“That’s terrible.” Ashe said quietly.

“You wouldn’t have to do more than a few random dates, and they would simply be formalities so that you guys are seen in public together. Maybe one or two interviews. The rest will be handled by Seteth and I.”

“I said no.”

“Felix… but we could do the charity event. I know it’s horrible but…”

“Do they have to pretend to date?” Ashe asked. “Can’t they just be newfound friends?”

Byleth pondered that before meeting Felix’s glare. “Would you be willing to try that?”

He held his scowl for a moment more before glancing over at his friends. They nodded encouragingly. “Fine. I am willing to meet as friends. No dinners or anything. I know the tabloids will call them dates anyway. But I am not doing any interviews.”

“Let me make a couple calls and see if that is agreeable.” She tapped the folder she had set on the coffee table before stepping into the bedroom and shutting the door.   
“I wonder who the new band is?” Ingrid reached over to open the file.

“Do you think we should look without asking?”

“If she didn’t want us to know then she wouldn’t have left it in here.”

They all peered into the folder. Inside was a picture clipped to an info sheet. It had four people, two women and two men. The info sheet said that they went by Woven Fates.

“None of them are unattractive.” Ashe pointed out. “If you were to date one.”

“Still not interested.” Felix grumbled as he fiddled with his phone.

Ingrid was tempted to ask him what could possibly be so interesting on there right now. Especially since he generally hated being on his phone for anything beyond finding music to listen to. But he had that scowl as he read something that told her to back off.

“They agreed to the friends arrangement.” Byleth said returning to the room. “In fact, they were quite happy with the suggestion. However, one of their members has a rare sickness and cannot meet during the day. Their manager suggested he meet with you himself,” She gestured to Felix. “But in a coffee shop early in the afternoon so hopefully it won’t be too crowded.”

“Whatever. I’ll meet with him.” Felix sighed getting to his feet and shoving his phone in his pocket. “But you and that dumbass husband of yours better get to work on your end of the deal.”

Byleth smiled. “Seteth is already gathering resources. Did you have a specific charity in mind?”

Ingrid nodded. “Yes! Here, let me find the info…” She pulled out her laptop to better coordinate with her.

“I’m going for a ride.” Felix called grabbing his motorcycle helmet off the counter.

“Felix, I know this isn’t the way you wanted it to come about. But I am proud of you for getting the charity event rolling.” Byleth said as he went for the door.

“Yeah whatever.” He replied before disappearing.

* * *

“Did you tell him?”  
“Of course not!”

“Make Claude do it.”

“Oooh good plan.”

“No way. Its someone else’s turn.”

Sylvain sighed before leaning on the banister that hid the stairway from the kitchen. “Why don’t you all tell me what you’re hiding?”

Hilda and Dorothea glanced at each other before shoving at Claude. The man sighed before tossing his phone to the red head. “It’s all over the social media feeds.”

Sylvain raised an eyebrow at their antics before looking at the screen.

**Lead Vocalist of Awakening Lions Felix Fraldarius Caught on Date with Vocalist of New Band Woven Fates Yuri Leclerc**

Under the large statement was an article talking about each band and their newest singles. Also saying that the Woven Fates would be joining the Awakening Lions on the road. Beneath the article were a handful of pictures, one with Felix bent over a cup of coffee sitting across the new man. Another with them both hunched over a phone seemingly reading something together. And a few of them… laughing? Felix looked honestly happy in these. The last showed Felix holding the door open for the other man as they exited the coffee shop.

The man, Yuri Leclerc was gorgeous. There was no denying that. As much as Sylvain wanted to. He had hair dyed lavender, and color around his eyes to make them seem even brighter and sharper. In the photo where he was smiling along with Felix, he seemed nice enough, but in the last photo as he’s exiting there was something in his expression that Sylvain recognized from being friends with Claude. A look of scrutiny. Like he was surveying the area for an enemy. The man looked equally beautiful and dangerous. Much like Felix himself. Together they were… too perfect.

He realized that the room had grown silent as he looked over the article.

“Hey. No one died.” He smirked tossing the phone back to Claude. “It’s nice that Felix finally made a new friend. It’s about time.”

“It looks like he has a new _boyfriend_.” Dorothea pointed out.

“So, what if he does?” Sylvain shrugged as reached into the fridge pulling out a soda. “It’s not like we’re still dating. Haven’t been for a long time. Good for him.” At that moment his own phone buzzed like it did all the time. Glancing at the caller I.D. he answered it. “Hey beautiful. What are you doing tonight?”

He walked back towards his room still chatting to whoever it was that had called him.

“He handled that… about as well as could be expected.” Hilda sighed.

“I can’t believe Felix actually moved on.” Dorothea looked back at the article. “I don’t really know him, but from what I’ve heard it sounds wrong.”

Claude shook his head. “I agree. I think it’s a publicity stunt.”

“Really?” Hilda leaned closer. “What makes you say so?”

“Because our own unintelligent manager originally wanted us to do the same thing. But it was too soon after their break up to even consider it. Because it had to be Sylvain. And I told them no. I wasn’t making him do that.”

“How come we never heard of this offer?” Dorothea frowned.   
“Because if Sylvain caught wind of it, he would for sure do it for us.” Hilda nodded in understanding. “I didn’t think Felix was the kind of guy to do something like this?”

“He’s not. Which means they gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse.” Claude tapped his knuckles on the counter before wandering off toward his own room.

* * *

Felix sat on his Ducati leaning on the handle bars. Normally he came out here to take in the view and relax. But as he stared at the phone in his hand the text message that had been sent anonymously to him, he couldn’t look away.

**Meet with them. Or we’ll tell.**

Attached to the message were two photos one of Felix leaving the mental health hospital, and another that was of Dimitri and Felix fighting just outside the building. It had been a day that started out well for his old friend but ended poorly.

It wasn’t that he was embarrassed that people knew he visited Dimitri, but his friend was the heir to a large fortune and a company that was barely surviving because of his absence. Felix’s own father was watching over the company while Dimitri was recovering, but had done everything he could to keep the secret as to where the current company CEO actually was.

If someone knew, then Felix had to find out who, and do whatever he could to keep them from telling.


	10. San Diego

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been so long since I've updated this... which unfortunately isn't that unusual for me. But this one is actually important to me. So I fully intend to actually have it wrapped up before too long.  
> Please note the updated tags, be safe.

Abandoned houses with the lights on  
Late at night I call your name  
Abandoned love songs smashed across the hardwood floors  
I read the sadness on your face

I can't sleep 'cause what if I dream  
Of going back to San Diego

San Diego - Blink 182

* * *

The most shocking thing about all of this – was that Felix didn’t actually hate Yuri. He’d been ready to meet with an eager teenager that was ready to kiss his ass to get his band riding their coattails. However, Yuri took the seat across from him in that coffee shop, rested his elbow on the table holding his chin in his palm and just smirked.

“Pretty shitty to be forced into meeting people huh?”

Felix snorted. “You have no idea.”

“Trust me, this wasn’t my idea. I have faith in my friends.”

“That’s cute.”

Yuri’s smile turned slightly feral. “My point is, that we don’t need your band to lend us a spotlight.”

“Then what the hell are we doing here?” Felix crossed his arms glaring over at the other musician.

“Hmm. What indeed?” Yuri flagged down a waitress and put in his order before waiting patiently for Felix to give his own.

Once the girl had stepped away Felix cleared his throat and pointedly waited for Yuri to pick up the conversation.

“Not one to dance around the subject then. I can appreciate that.” The lavender haired man pulled out his cell phone and spun it around to show him the screen.

It showed a text from an anonymous number.

**Meet with him. Or lose her.**

Felix raised an eyebrow. “Is someone threatening your girlfriend or something?”

Yuri chuckled. “If only it were that simple. I could call the police for that. Unfortunately, no. This is about my mother. I won’t go into the details, but this is important to me. I am assuming you are here for a similar reason.”

He nodded. “Someone… important to me is being threatened too.”

“Then we have a mutual cause.”

“It seems we do.”

“I don’t like someone trying to pull my strings, you seem like the type to rebel such treatment as well.”

Felix nodded.

“Excellent. I have a plan and I’m going to need your help for it to succeed.”

“I’m listening.”

By the time Yuri had finished telling Felix his plan the darker haired man knew one thing for sure. He did not hate Yuri, and he was certainly glad that they were on the same side. This man was terrifying.

* * *

Sylvain knew that Claude was aware that his attempt at nonchalance over the news about Felix was fake. Most of the time it was fun to have someone around that was as clever as himself to keep things interesting. Sometimes it was a pain in his ass. Though his friend had yet to bring it up or try one of his infamous ‘distraction’ tactics out of goodwill, Sylvain was aware that it wouldn’t be too long now.

He’d been in bed for hours.

The AC had broken sometime last week and even though it wasn’t one of the hottest times of the year no one was willing to commit to being home around long enough to wait for someone to come and fix it for them.

So, he laid there in nothing but his threadbare sweatpants staring at his phone. At first scrolling through social media had seemed harmless enough. But there were pictures of Felix and his new friend everywhere on his timeline.

It was a bad decision to get on his social media.

It was worst to read the comments that went with the pictures of Felix.

**Felix and Yuri <3**

**can’t believe Felix looks sexy even in a coffee shop. wtf.**

**They so cute!**

**are they writing a song together???**

**ohmygod felix drinks same coffee as meeeee**

**bet WovenFates is just hopin that Lions fame rubs off on them**

Sylvain frowned at that last one. The thought had occurred to him too, but he’d pushed it aside assuming it was his own jealousy rearing its ugly head again. Seeing someone else think it too made it seem plausible. After reading the initial article he had done his research on the Woven Fates and found little information about them. They were a new band, had an EP out and played a few small gigs that were local to their hometown. That’s it.

It wasn’t too far a stretch to think that this new guy, Yuri, was trying to use Felix.

And that pissed him off.

Felix was as prickly as a wet cat on his best days, but he wasn’t heartless.

As much as it pained him to consider it, it seemed very likely that he had moved on. That song from the concert had been _recently inspired_.

Was Yuri his inspiration now?

Was Felix in love with this newcomer?

Was the man that he was _still in love with_ being used by some asshole?

There was a crack of breaking glass.

Sylvain looked down to realize he had shattered the screen on his phone.

“Dammit.”

He chucked the thing at the closet, the sound of it being destroyed somehow not as comforting as he had thought it would be.

* * *

Yuri had insisted that the first part of his plan did not involve Felix therefore he didn’t need to worry about anything yet.

Unfortunately, that meant Felix was left with nothing to preoccupy himself with now.

If anyone ever asked, he was always busy. And while they were still on tour, he would say that it was a fair assessment. He had vocal exercises to keep up on, and moving from one place to another. Not even counting the million other things they had to do to actually set up for each concert.

No matter what excuses he made the fact still was – Felix had too much free time right now. In the past he would just use it as time to write more music. But right now, he was stuck. He had the beginnings of something that sounded good on his guitar, but it wasn’t quite fitting into a real song yet.

Sometimes he would find himself wandering over to whatever Ingrid or Ashe were doing, but they were both working with Byleth to get the Charity even set up. Which he knew he should be helping out more on, but Ingrid insisted he stay out of it.

For the same reason Ingrid had insisted he stop visiting the hospital so much… The last time he saw Dimitri was the same night… the same time he had last spoken to Sylvain.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew that it was destroying his own mental health trying to make everything work, and keep everyone happy and healthy. That he had stretched himself too thin in the process of all of that. That maybe he should have asked for help sooner. That after all was said and done Ingrid had installed a tracking app on his phone and Ashe texted him periodically throughout days they were not all together because they cared and worried about him.

It made him angry that he wasn’t strong enough to handle this on his own.

But the truth was that Ashe’s random texts with laughing cat emojis were something he looked forward to now. And Ingrid’s random questions that were clearly created just to get a response were endearing in an annoying way that he still didn’t hate as much as he once would have.

They knew that ever since that night…

Despite everything – he still thought about Sylvain sometimes.

Shaking himself away from that train of thought he went back to focusing on where he was jogging. This city they were visiting was easy to get lost in, but as long as he kept their towering hotel in sight, he knew he would be fine on getting back.

He passed a small coffee shop that wasn’t unlike the one he had met Yuri at.

It surprised him how many intelligent people there were in the world. He met so many idiots. So many people that needed to get the hell out of his way and stop causing problems for others too.

But then there were people like Yuri. He was smart beyond his years. Felix wasn’t blind. He saw the determination and fire in his eyes that were clearly born of some messed up past. Someone was threatening the lavender haired man’s mother. Of course, he was going to do whatever it took. And really Felix couldn’t blame him.

That bright intelligence wasn’t very well hidden, no matter how much Yuri waved his hands around and rolled his eyes like an uncaring teenager.

It made him think of Claude. Another person who was far cleverer than he tried to let anyone know. But it really shone through in his endless questions, and calculated actions.

Unlike Sylvain.

Sylvain was just as smart as Claude. Easily. However, the red head was just a better liar. He let everyone believe that he was just another dumb flirtatious air head because it was easier to manipulate people into what he wanted if they never suspected him to have the intelligence to do so in the first place.

He had grown up with him and had known for as long as he could remember that Sylvain was smart. He just made bad choices, fully aware where they would lead him.

That’s why when he did something that hurt Felix… it was so much worse than just a mistake. Because they both knew that Sylvain knew exactly what he was doing.

Felix tried to clear his head.

Why couldn’t he stop thinking of that idiot today?

He took the stairs up to his hotel room and headed straight for the shower.

No matter what he did he couldn’t get him out of his thoughts…

It was a reflex for him to feel the light scars that ran along his arms and thighs. The ones on his arms were always hidden by leather cuffs or long sleeves. Not because he was embarrassed or ashamed, but because he hadn’t wanted to scare Ashe or Ingrid. He didn’t remember exactly when they started appearing. When he started finding comfort in adding to them.

But they were there. It seemed ridiculous looking back at it. This was significant. This was important. He had read the articles. He knew that this wasn’t safe.

This was his compromise with himself.

Every time.

His friends had begged him to never go as far as he had that one night on the lookout. To come to them before it ever was that bad again. No matter the time or place.

But he needed to be stronger.

He needed an outlet that was his way of dealing with… certain thoughts.

For now… this is what he had.

For now… this is where they were.

* * *

Keeping in touch with Felix had become important once Claude realized that Sylvain had no intentions of going back to him.

Claude loved Sylvain like a brother and only wanted the best for him. That also made him well aware that the red head made decisions that were the wrong ones intentionally. He knew that while his departure from the Lions was to give Felix the space and time, he believed he needed to heal and regrow, it was also a punishment on his part.

Leaving the Lions permanently like this was Sylvain’s way of torturing himself. Not that their band was so horrible. But it wasn’t where his heart was. And that much, Hilda and Dorothea were aware of as well.

Claude had sent Felix a message at least once a week since Sylvain had moved in with him. Mostly little things. Tiny reminders that they were still friends, and that their mutual friend was alive and as well as could be expected.

Felix didn’t usually reply, but the little grey letters that appeared saying ‘Read’ were reassuring enough most days.

But today he was blessed with a real response to what he had sent.

**Me: Wow. That Yuri sure looks like a good time.**

**GrumpyKing: I’ll introduce you to him then, he’s too much for my taste.**

Claude stared at his phone. Not only did Felix seem willing to meet up with Claude at some point, he admitted to not being interested in the stranger from the papers.

_Interesting…_

**Me: I appreciate the offer but I actually already consider myself ‘taken’ with someone right now.**

**GrumpyKing: Ok.**

**Me: Don’t worry it’s a gorgeous blonde. I’ll leave the red heads to you.**

**GrumpyKing: I’m not available for babysitting right now. We’re on tour in case you forgot.**

Felix was making jokes now too? Was he sick? Drunk? Either way, he wasn’t in his normal state of wet-cat-ness.

**Me: I know! But I’m just wondering when we get to trade off? He’s been in my care for a long time now you know.**

**….**

**….**

**….**

**GrumpyKing: Is he ok?**

**Me: Same as ever. Doing everything he can to make himself miserable while looking hot at the same time.**

_Read._

Felix didn’t seem to want to respond after that, but it was alright. It had been a really long time since he was that chatty. Claude couldn’t stop grinning as he reread his messages.

“You look suspiciously happy.” Hilda commented strolling into the kitchen.

“Do I?” He switched to another number that he spent a great time chatting with.

“What are you up to now?”

“Nothing… yet. But I think something is changing soon. Something good.”

Hilda was about to respond when they heard the crash from Sylvain’s room. She sighed. “Well hopefully whatever it is kicks in fast. I’m not dealing with his mopey ass much longer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
> Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	11. No Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't believe I am getting another chapter out this week. This one kind of wrote itself when I should have been sleeping...

Someday, I'll smile and say goodbye  
Every night that you fight, every demon in sight  
Sleeping on the floor  
Wide awake from the dream with a shake and a scream  
Hope for so much more

No Future - Blink 182

* * *

He was about to scream with how frustrating this song was being. Usually he gets stuck on one _pretty damn good_ song, then a few others come to him a little easier. But after I Really Wish I Hated You this was the next one that got stuck in his brain. And it was possibly even more of a menace than that last one had been. Which… was not something he really wanted to think about.

There was a light knock on the door and a muffled, “Felix?”

It was Ashe.

Rather than yelling through the door he decided to get off his too springy hotel bed and actual let his bandmate in the room.

“Yeah?”

Ashe grinned at being let in with a quiet ‘thank you’ before noticing the guitar on the bed.  
“Any luck there?”

“No. It’s still being a bitch.”

“That’s too bad. Usually they aren’t this bad every time. Maybe you're only able to create amazing hits right now? That would explain it.”

Felix wanted to scoff at how stupid that was, but he always tried to be a little nicer to Ashe since the shorter young man always made the effort to go out of his way to show kindness to him.

“Hm. That would be nice.” He crossed his arms. “Did you just come here to check on me?”

“Oops. Nope. Actually, Ingrid wanted me to come get you. Seteth and Byleth had an idea about the concert and she thought you should weigh in on this decision.”

“Why? I trust you guys.”

Ashe suddenly became very invested in the view out the window. “Y-yeah. We know. But. This one involves… I think Ingrid should explain it…”

He frowned, not wanting to snap at Ashe he headed down the hall to where Ingrid was on a video call with Byleth. There was an empty seat next to the woman where Seteth had likely been sitting a moment before. He probably left when they decided to get Felix.

“Oh good! You’re here.” Ingrid smiled over at him gesturing to the seat next to hers, but he just came to stand behind her chair and glared down at the screen.

“What do you want?”

Byleth’s expression was as calm as always, never giving too much away. “Good to see you Felix. I’ll get straight to it. We want to have someone come out and speak for a moment during the Charity event. We agreed it would be inspiring to those who can relate, and who have donated, or will, if they hear from someone who has gone through something as hard as this.”

The charities they were supporting all related to mental health and its importance of being recognized and helped.

It didn’t take long for Felix to realize who they were talking about.

There was no one better to give a speech then someone who was already famous all over the world.

Someone who no one knew was struggling with this and would love to relate with.

Someone like Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.

The man who inherited his family business too young and is from one of the richest families in the world.

“You can’t be serious?” He hissed. “He is in no shape to go in front of a crowd and give a speech!”

Ingrid turned to meet his eyes. “Actually Felix… I think he could. I’ve seen him recently… and he was doing really well.”

Felix glared at her, remembered that they had virtual audience and slammed the laptop close.

“Felix! We were still discussing - !”

“Tell me about Dimitri.”

He had noticed that Ashe had chosen not to follow him into the room. Probably smart on his part. While the silver haired young man knew Dimitri, had met him on a few occasions, he didn’t know him nearly as well as Felix and Ingrid did.

Ingrid sighed but nodded. “It was a couple weeks ago now, but I have taken to visiting him at least once a month since… well you know.”

Felix gestured for her to continue.

“He’s living on his own now Felix. He is back in his own place. He has a dog that he looks after. He has someone take him to appointments with his doctor twice a week, but even the doctor said he’s doing exceptionally well. He’s even been able to work some from home. He is doing better.”

Felix tried to understand all of this in his head…. It had been a long time since he had visited Dimitri… it was true. But could he really be doing _this much better_?

It honestly felt too good to be true.

In fact. He didn’t believe it.

“I asked him how he would feel about speaking before suggesting him to Byleth.” Ingrid continued. “He agreed to it, but he said ‘Only if Felix is ok with it’.”

“How…?”

“He has a phone again. I texted him.” She lifted her phone to show him.

Sure enough… there was his name… and he even had sent Ingrid smiley face emojis followed by some dogs.

“He likes to send the dog ones now since he got Belle, his golden retriever.”

“He has… a golden retriever and texts…” He muttered.

“I could give you his number? You could call him and talk to him yourself.” She offered.

Felix shook his head. “Not good enough.”

He turned and disappeared out the door.

Ashe crept back in a moment later. “Where is he going?”

“Likely to see Dimitri.” Ingrid sighed leaning back against the couch cushions. “We’re going to have to cancel the rehearsal tonight.”

“I already did.”

* * *

It wasn’t easy getting to Dimitri’s. They were several hours from where he lived. Though Felix made some great time on his motorcycle. Pulling up to the elaborate entry way to Blaiddyd Mansion he tossed his helmet in the direction of his bike before stomping up the steps to knock loudly on the door.

There was hardly a second before the door swung open.

Felix had honestly expected one the many maids who used to work here to open it, but it was Dimitri himself.

He seemed taller than the last time he had seen him, there was no longer a hunch to his shoulders, but he stood proudly. The once matted blonde hair was brushed and pulled back away from his face with the exception of a few stray strands. He was wearing an eyepatch, and he seemed to have a brace on his wrist, but he was otherwise in normal clothes. Ingrid hadn’t lied about the dog; the golden mess of fur was wagging its tail happily at his side patiently.

“Felix, so good to see you.” Dimitri’s voice was so soft.

No longer that angry growl, or haunted tone.

“You got a dog.” Was what came out of his mouth.

Dimitri smiled. _Actually smiled_. As he looked down at the loyal companion, scratching behind her ears. “Yes. This is Belle. She is quite friendly if you want to pet her?”

He looked down at the animal before shaking his head slowly looking back to the towering man.

“H-how?”

“Why don’t you come in and I’ll make some tea?” Dimitri gestured toward the sitting room.

Felix grunted, but followed him into the mansion.

* * *

The story was, that Dimitri had been getting worse. That someone had tried to call in doctors from other parts of the world, but not a whole lot was working.

Then one day out of nowhere someone else showed up.

Someone he hadn’t seen in a while.

It was Sylvain.

The red head had shown up and it had been so long since Dimitri had even thought of him that it helped him focus that day, and the next several visits from him.

Sylvain came one time after he had been showing up regularly, with a friend of his. This friend apparently was the one who had been helping Dimitri ever since. There was something comforting about the friend’s presence to the blonde man.

“So what? That idiot brought you a new toy and you’ve just been fine ever since?” Felix growled.

“I understand how strange it is. But I assure it took a lot of work for me to get even here. Somedays I still feel… like a monster. But I’m trying Felix. I’m fighting with everything I’ve got.”

The darker haired young man glared at him for a moment more. Assessing him. But it was hard _not_ to believe him. Especially when that ridiculously perfect looking dog was contently sleeping next to him on the sofa, head resting in his lap. Dimitri had been petting her the entire time like it was calming him more than her.

Felix ran a hand through his own messy hair. “Fine. I… I believe you. I just… its…”

“It’s hard to believe. I know.” Dimitri nodded.

Finishing off his cup of tea Felix leaned back into the plush chair he was sitting in and looked around. “This place really hasn’t changed much.”

“It’s been very comforting to be back here.” Dimitri nodded. “I appreciate the ‘being home’ feeling now more than ever.”

“Are you sure you are up for this speech thing?” He knew he was changing topics suddenly, but there was something about ‘being home’ that he himself did not appreciate. Therefore, would not think of right now.

The blonde man nodded. “I am going back to work very soon. By the time this concert comes around I will be used to speaking in front of people again. That is the hope anyway. Ingrid and I both spoke with my doctor and she agreed that it should bear no setbacks of any sort.”

“Good. Then, I guess that’s settled.” He started to rise from his seat, but stopped at Dimitri’s next words.

“Felix, I want to talk to you about what’s been going on with you.”

“No.”

“I think you need to talk to someone…”

“No.”

“I know you won’t speak with a professional. But at least talk with a friend? Someone who would understand you and you trust?”

Felix snorted. “Like I have anyone like that.”

“Ingrid would be more than happy to - ”

“To cry, then hit me, then tell me I’m an idiot and to ‘just fix it’.”

Dimitri frowned, unfortunately that did sound a bit like their friend.

“There is nothing going on in my life that I cannot handle. Worry about yourself.”

“Ingrid told me you tried to end your life.” Dimitri murmured.

That surprised him.

“That was a long time ago.” He snarled. “I don’t really want to discuss it.”

Dimitri stood, towering over Felix, but his remaining eye was gentle, and a bit sorrowful. He reached out and grabbed the shorter man’s arm and pulled back one of the leather cuffs that were fastened there. “You were never one for unnecessary things.” He said quietly, looking at the scars and red swollen skin underneath.

Felix tried to yank his arm away, but Dimitri’s grip was strong.

“Let go of me!”

“Felix. Talk to me about this.”

“No!”

“Then… won’t you speak with Sylvain?”

Felix froze.

“I know what’s been going on, I’m sorry I have not been there to help you, but I am here now. You and Sylvain were always together. Ever since we were children. And while he had his own destructive behaviors, he always managed to help you from yours.”

“Yeah. He did.” His voice was barely a whisper. “But I couldn’t help him from his. And that’s the point isn’t it? Maybe he was good for me, but I wasn’t good enough for him. Either way,” Felix glared back up at him. “He left me. _He left_. Not me. He saw me _at my worst_ and then left. He spent that day fooling around with some other guy, then left after pulling me away from a literal cliffside.” Suddenly his mouth snapped closed. He had said more than he had wanted to.

“I’m not talking about this anymore.”

Dimitri let go of him and handed him the cuff back. “Thank you for trusting me with that much. And Felix… I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you. That I couldn’t help you sooner.”

“Not like you were in any place you could help. And I still don’t want it.”

“I know. But just listen, this place… we spent many childhood days playing here. This place brings me comfort because I can remember better days with you, Ingrid and Sylvain. But I am also working on making new memories that are just as positive. Something else to look forward to. I want you to know, no matter what, you are always welcome here. Day or night. The door is always open for you. If you ever need anything, I will come as swiftly as possible. Whatever you need Felix. Or anything you want.”

Felix tried to hold his scowl, but ended up sighing to hide a quiet chuckle. “Thanks. I… I appreciate it.”

“Excellent. Now tell me, who is this Yuri fellow the news says your dating?”

Felix groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
> Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	12. Snake Charmer

You are a hero and survivor, your eyes are getting tired  
There's claw marks up your spine, it happens all the time  
Those silent evil daughters, like sirens on the water  
You've been the perfect crime, it happens all the time

Snake Charmer - Blink 182

* * *

It was too often that Sylvain found himself sitting at a bar. Tonight, was another party. The thing was, there was really no need for one. Yeah, they had performed a pretty great concert and the audience had been really into it. It wasn’t uncommon to have a ‘victory drink’ at a local bar. However, it was never just drink. He loved his friends, but the one thing he really could do without most nights is Claude’s love of parties. Or turning small events into larger ones.

Once upon a time Sylvain would have been really into the cheery atmosphere, drinks, food, and good company.

But there was one person that actually made those more enjoyable for him.

And he wasn’t here.

No. Tonight he was being hounded by a fan. She was cute, dyed blonde hair, skimpy outfit that he would have enjoyed in a previous life. Maybe. It was hard to be sure. Other guys were definitely watching her as she clung to his arm and crooned about how great he had been on stage tonight.

Tuning out most of what she was saying Sylvain looked around for his supposed friends. Hilda and Dorothea were doing karaoke with some people at the low stage in the back and Claude was surrounded by another small group as he listened to some guy telling some loud story that most have been pretty amusing by the look on his face.

So that left him here with – what did she say her name was? Marie? Kathy? He wasn’t sure.

“Syyyylvie! We should go check out this other place down town. They have way better drinks.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Sylvain offered his best grin, the one Claude always called him out on for being overly fake. “I’m really enjoying the drinks here. Besides! I can’t just leave my friends.”

She pouted, and shifted her stool closer _again._ He didn’t know how many times she had ‘accidentally’ brushed her chest up against his arm, but he was about to just get up and walk away. He wasn’t interested. He thought he was being clear. He still needed to be nice to a fan, but he had never wanted to sleep with one. Maybe it was his vanity, but he knew she wasn't interested in _him_ but interested in Sylvain Gautier. The rockstar. This girl was probably your average small town sweet girl who was just really hoping for too much tonight.

“They are all ignoring you anyway, they won’t notice.” She pointed out.

Maybe not so sweet.

“They would notice if I left. Trust me.” It was true. He hated to admit it, but his three bandmates had a tendency to be his three babysitters. If they thought he was getting into trouble or doing something reckless they were quick to pull him back.

There was the pout again, and another sigh.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew what she wanted.

She started off on some story again and he let his mind wander.

Hilda was singing some old 80’s ballad that he never would have suspected that she even liked. She was killing it though. He would have to ask her _again_ if she and Dorothea wanted to take over on some vocals. Thea’s voice was amazing, and Hilda was fantastic too. Yet neither of them had their own songs. Sylvain had hinted at it several times but they hadn’t agreed. Though he suspected that they were close to giving in. Especially with all the cheers they were getting tonight from their singing.

There was a clatter. Maybe-Mary had dropped her phone off the counter.

Instinctively he stepped down to pick it up for her before sitting back in his seat.

“What a gentleman thank you!” She squealed giving him another hug.

He just smirked and took another swig of his drink. “Who said chivalry had to die right?”

She laughed more than was necessary and then started to show him pictures on her phone. He pretended to look for a second nodding and humming to her comments on how this one beach she took a picture at was really rocky and blah blah blah…

Claude was telling a story now. From the way he was grinning and scratching the back of his head Sylvain _knew_ it was about the car breaking down and them having to put on the last-minute show recently.

He still thought Claude should get a new car.

He still wished that he had seen Felix.

It was great seeing Ingrid and Ashe… but he … he missed Felix so much. It had been his choice to walk away though. All of this was his own fault.

He had no right to complain, when it was his own messes and bad choices that led him here to this.

The girl’s hand was on his leg.

Not so subtly he shifted so she was forced to move it away.

“Sorry but you look like you have a fever.” She was looking up at him now with a worried look.

After she said it, he realized she was right. He did feel weird. It was hot, and his body felt … weird. Something wasn’t right.

“You know… I think… maybe you’re right…” He muttered getting to his feet and stumbling a bit.

“I’m just going to step into the restroom real quick and wash my face. Maybe that will cool me down.”

“Good idea.” She smiled and watched him walk off.

As he shoved the bathroom door open, glad that it was empty in there, he looked at the mirror. He was flushed, and his sight seemed a bit off. His … eyes looked weird? Why…? Where was Claude? He needed to find…

Claude was good with this stuff…

As he was exiting the bathroom to find him the girl was there again.

“Here, I have a cool wash cloth? Maybe to help with the fever?”

He went to reach for it and overshot hitting the wall instead.

Why was he so warm?

The hallway where the restrooms were was dark and out of the way.

He knew he needed to find Claude…. Or Hilda?

The girl was touching him again.

“Why don’t you come back to my place? You can lay down. Sleep this whatever off.” Her voice was quiet. Alluring?

Her fingers were running up and down his arms, over his chest… down to his waist… and it felt … not terrible. Part of him wanted her to go further. Was it the fever? It had to be… he hadn’t… wanted _that_ since Felix.

“I want Felix…” He whined.

“I can take care of you if you aren’t feeling well.” She smiled, her voice still that soft tone.

“No… I need… Claude.” Right? His brain was starting to feel like a fuzzy radio station, but he was still sure he wanted his friend to help him right now.

“Claude’s with his friends. I’ll call him for you. But first let’s get you somewhere more comfortable. You need to rest.”

He knew not to follow her.

But when she tugged on his arm, he felt his body move without him willing it to.

He was so hot… and dizzy…

There was a breeze as she led him out the back door, he turned to call for Claude but when she tugged him to the left the dizziness took over and stopped him from saying anything. He knew what was happening, even if he was powerless to stop it at this point. It crossed his mind to try and pull out his phone, but then he decided not to. Maybe this is what he deserved. After all the pain he’d put people through of sleeping around, maybe this was punishment. Maybe… he could be selfish and just not remember… anything about tonight.

* * *

“Where’s Sylvain?” Hilda had pushed her way over to where Claude was laughing with some other folks and demanded his attention instantly.

“What?” He hopped off the table he had been sitting and followed her to the bar where they had last seen the red head.

“He’s not here, and I asked someone to check the men’s room and he wasn’t there.”

Claude frowned. He had been watching their friend and seen him talking to some girl. It had been clear that Sylvain wasn’t necessarily enjoying the conversation, but he had made no move to try and join the others so he had assumed that maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Now they looked around and the girl and Sylvain were gone.

“Your friend just left.” The bartender commented, gesturing to the back door.

“When?”

“Like five minutes ago. He wasn’t looking so hot and that girl offered to drive him home.”

Hilda slammed her hand on the table. “Shit.”

Claude ran for the back door. It led to the parking lot. He did a quick scan and didn’t see anyone walking about, or… worse. But after a moment of looking he saw one car parked furthest away from the one streetlamp in the back corner of the lot. There was a shadow moving around inside.

He sprinted across the lot.

Either he found Sylvain, or he was going to have apologize to someone, either way it was worth the look.

Once he got closer, he heard Sylvain’s voice moaning and a girl’s soft laughter.

Except that was the noise Sylvain made when he was regretting a hangover.

Not enjoying himself.

Claude ripped the door open to the car to reveal the girl straddling his friend. She had already unbuckled his belt and his friend was revealing more than Claude quite frankly ever wanted to see.

“Get the hell off of him.” He growled yanking her out of the vehicle. He was about to make sure she didn’t take off on him but was pleasantly surprised to see Hilda and Dorothea. Hilda had the girl pinned to the pavement as Dorothea was already talking to a 911 operator.

Thankful for their help he was able to focus on Sylvain.

The red head was still groaning and writhing around. His face was flushed and sweating.

“Sylvain? I need you to respond buddy.” Claude kneeled over him to try and tuck him back into his pants.

“No… hurts…” Sylvain muttered writhing again.

“I know it does. But I need you to get up.”

“I want Felix.”

“I know you do.” Claude sighed as he dragged Sylvain out of the car, the taller man leaned heavily on his shoulder.

“Where’s Feeelix?” Sylvain whined into his shoulder.

“Hopefully at home. Asleep. Like we should have been.” He looked over at the girls. “I’m taking him to the ER.”

Hilda waved him off. “Hurry and get him taken care of. We got this bitch handled.”

Claude hired one of the taxi’s that waited out front of the bar and promised to pay double for swiftness to the ER.

Sylvain was in tears in his lap at this point. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Felix. It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.” Claude murmured brushing the sweat slicked hair away from his face.

“I almost killed him. It was my fault.”

“You know very well that that whole night was no one’s fault. Well. It was that asshole’s fault. But not yours. Or Felix’s.”

The red head groaned again and started messing with buckle on his pants again. “This …”

“Leave your pants on.” Claude grabbed his hand away. “I'm sorry Syl... I know it hurts. We’re almost there.”

* * *

Ashe was good with technology. Ingrid was not, she tried to stay away from fancy phones and social media things generally because she didn’t understand them. What she did understand though was that Ashe was distressed.

“What’s wrong?” She looked up as he walked into her room, looking paler than usual.

“I think something happened to Sylvain… but I don’t know what and I can’t get ahold of Claude.”

He showed her a picture someone had posted of the Hilda and Dorothea with some blonde girl and police. The caption read “This asshole just tried to get it with Gautier. Boy did Hilda kick her ass.”

Ingrid pulled out her phone and called Dorothea.

“Ingrid?”

“What happened to Sylvain?”

“We’re not completely sure.” Dorothea’s usually cheerful voice was somber, she heard Hilda’s voice in the background but couldn’t hear what was said.

“We are almost at the hospital where Claude took him. We’ll call you when we know.”

“Wait! Where are you guys?”

Ashe showed her the location on his phone and her heart sank as she realized that they were half way across the country.

“I’m sorry Ingrid… I promise to call you as soon as we hear from Claude or the doctor.”

“Thank you.”

Ashe began pouring water into the kettle. “I’ll make some tea while we wait.”

“Should we tell Felix?”

“He still isn’t back from his visit to Dimitri’s…”

Ingrid dropped her head onto the table. “I can’t handle this much longer.”

Ashe patted her back before giving her a small hug. “Sylvain will be ok. I just know it, he’s strong.”

“I know he is, but sometimes he doesn’t choose to be.” She muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@InsomniacTiger](https://twitter.com/InsomniacTiger)  
> Come say Hi over on Twitter! I post updates for my stories and art! :)


	13. Heaven

What have I done to us it seems?  
I've broken trust and shattered dreams  
I only wish I'd spoken up  
Loneliness since we broke up

Heaven - Blink 182

* * *

Dimitri believed him easily about the situation with Yuri. Too easily maybe.

However, what Felix couldn’t believe was how addicted to his phone the blonde had become. Was this a new habit? An old one that he didn’t remember? He finally quit trying to describe the plan that Yuri had laid out for them, which incidentally involved the man who was not paying attention, and snapped.

“What the hell is so interesting on your phone?”

Dimitri frowned at the screen, looked up at for a moment, sighed, then handed him the device.

It was one of the many social media pages. Felix couldn’t really tell them apart and didn’t care to. But he could read the article that all these people seemed to be commenting on.

It was about Sylvain. He was… attacked?

…Raped?

Someone in the comments said they saw Claude get in a taxi with him, hopefully for a hospital.

Felix looked up at Dimitri.

“I need to go.”

“It’s half way across the country Felix.”

“You have a helicopter.”

“Which I am certainly no longer licensed to pilot.”

“I’ll do it.” Felix marched off toward the helipad out back.

“Wait! Felix! When was the last time you piloted?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re going.”

* * *

It took forever to get clearance to land in the city and even longer to get a ride to the hospital, but eventually they were there. Dimitri momentarily paused to pay the driver, and when he caught up to his friend he was arguing vehemently with the poor women behind the counter.

“Sir, I do apologize but I cannot give away his information at the moment. His emergency contact is with him. You will have to wait to speak with him.”

“I don’t give a shit about that! Just tell me if he’s ok!” He felt Dimitri’s towering presence behind him and was about to snap at him to try and do something, but the blonde just held up a finger as he was already on the phone.

“You and your damn phone again.” Felix muttered.

Dimitri hummed. “Yes. I’m at the desk. That _is_ him you hear yelling. Mmm. Yes. He was rather insistent. Thank you.”

He hung up and stared at Felix.

“Well? What the hell was that?”

“I’m getting us access to see him.”

“Who - ”

“If it isn’t my Sun.” A flirtatious, familiar, voice called from down the hall.

Felix turned to see Claude, the man looked exhausted, but he had a warm look in his eyes as he saw … Dimitri?

The tall blonde stepped forward and pulled the other man into a tight embrace.

What. The. Hell.

Felix wanted to slap himself. Of course. Sylvain had brought a friend to meet Dimitri at the hospital. Who else would it be but Claude?

He had a million questions he didn’t really care to ask.

The main thing he saw here though was a genuine smile on Dimitri’s face as Claude reached up and lightly kissed his cheek.

“I have to say Felix. I am surprised you’re here.”

“So? You’re not going to let me see him?” He knew he sounded prickly. He knew that he should tone his voice down in a hospital. But he was ten seconds from running down the hall to check all the rooms until he found that red headed idiot.

“Of course, I am. I wouldn’t stop you… I’m just curious… why are you?”

“I want to make sure he’s ok, dumbass.”

“You couldn’t have just called me? You have my number.”

“Why are you doing this?” Felix had his arms crossed tightly over his chest. What was with this interrogation?

Claude seemed to be debating something before sighing. “You know what, it’s been a long night. Just, follow me, and try to keep the yelling to a minimum yeah?”

He waved at the woman behind the counter who blushed at his smile and just waved them through to the hall.

Claude led them to a small room where Sylvain was sound asleep on the bed.

“He’s fine. Or he will be. He was over dosed. But they got it out of his system and he is resting now.”

Now that he was here Felix wasn’t sure what to do, he sat in the chair next to Sylvain’s bed and brushed the sweat slicked hair out of his closed eyes. Just the slight touch of the thick red hair made tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Over dosed? Why?

“The post we saw made it seem like he had been …ah, attacked?” Dimitri murmured.

“Yeah. Crazy fan. She slipped it into his drink and took him out to her car. He was way too far gone to know what was happening. Thankfully it didn’t get worse than some groping. From what I saw anyway. The doctor said there were no signs of rape. At least… there’s that. Just the drugs in his system.”

Claude sighed leaning slightly against Dimitri as the night’s events took their toll on him mentally and physically. He had been awake for almost 20 hours now. Hilda and Dorothea had offered to stay with Sylvain so Claude go rest at their hotel. But he wanted to be there when he woke up, so he sent the girls to get some rest and just asked they bring him some coffee in the morning.

“He wanted you.” Claude’s tone changed, he had sounded so tired, but now it was a bit softer. Green eyes met amber. “I know you guys have… stuff to work through. But I thought you should know. When he was at his worst, all he would ask for was you.”

“Let’s get you a drink.” Dimitri said quietly to Claude leading him out of the room.

Now that it was just the two of them Felix let the tears fall. It was a crazy fan. This literally could have happened to anyone on tour. But not Sylvain. He was smart. He acted dumb, but he was intelligent and always on top of this sort of thing. He was the one he had taught Felix not set his drink down when they were out just for this reason. Where was that Sylvain?

Claude had said that besides the drugs… the girl had touched him. He made it sound like that wasn’t so bad. It certainly could have been worse. But it was still terrible.

Felix knew that when Sylvain woke up, he would shrug it off.

He would make a crude joke that no one else would laugh at and belittle himself in the process.

And he wouldn’t tell anyone how violated and used he felt.

Because that was how Sylvain handled things.

Felix wanted to kill her.

That was extreme. Rationally he understood that.

But if he ever was within arm’s reach of her… whoever she is…

He wouldn’t do anything.

Sylvain hated violence.

So, he would do nothing.

This was so stupid. Felix growled at himself as he gave in and grabbed the hand that was laying on the too white sheets.

He had been trying _so hard_ to avoid this bastard.

And then had dragged Dimitri across the country to get to him. Risking both their lives considering Felix really hardly remembered how to fly that damn helicopter and they both knew it. But there was no point in lying to himself. And now Claude and Dimitri both knew it too.

He loved Sylvain.

Always had.

He knew in the long run it didn’t really matter. Felix wasn’t the one who had been with another man in their house. He also wasn’t the one who walked out the next morning. Those had both been Sylvain.

He brushed away the unruly red locks once again. Lying to himself that they needed to be fixed but really, he just wanted an excuse to touch him. To remember.

If this was all he could have…

A doctor stepped in to the room.

“Oh. You’re not the same young man who brought him. Are you family?”

“No.” Felix stood quickly. “Just an old friend.”

“Oh. He’s going to be ok. I just came in here to talk to the other man about the test results. He’s going to be fine. Should wake up in an hour or so.”

“Great. I’ll go tell him.” Felix rushed out the door and found Dimitri and Claude huddled together, coffees in both their hands, conversing quietly in the waiting room.

“Doctor said he’s fine. Should be awake in an hour or something.” He muttered crossing his arms again.

“Do you want a drink while we wait?” Dimitri offered half standing already to go get something.

“No. I’m leaving. I saw him. He’s fine. I’m good.”

“You’re really not going to wait for him to wake up? After you risked life and limb to get here?” Claude raised an eyebrow. “It could be all romantic if you played it right. Normally I’d say you couldn’t pull it off, but honestly you’re like ninety percent there already.”

Felix just stared at him for a moment before shifting his gaze back to Dimitri. “Do you want me to fly you back home?”

The blonde man chuckled. “Ah. No. I’ve already called someone to pick up the helicopter. I plan to stay here for a few days. I had thought you might want to - ”

“Wrong. I guess I’ll catch the next flight out.” He turned to leave but froze. “Claude… thank you. For taking care of him. It… it’s good to know that he has someone looking out for him.”

“Of course. Is there anything you’d like to pass along for when he wakes up?”

“No.”

Then Felix Hugo Fraldarius was gone like the passing storm he was so well known as.

Claude gave a huge dramatic sigh before leaning heavily on Dimitri’s shoulder. “These two. I swear. I’m going to just chain them together and force them to get over this.”

Dimitri hummed wrapping an arm around the shorter man. “You know, I think they would still fight it. Even then. They are rather stubborn.”

“I’ll starve them until they kiss and make out.”

“Don’t you mean kiss and make up?”

“I’ll take either one at this point.”

* * *

When Sylvain awoke it was to Claude handing him a glass of water and Dimitri was behind him smiling.

Dimitri?

“What the hell happened to me?”

“You had another rockstar night.” Claude smirked, even though there wasn’t the usual mischievousness in his eyes. “OD’d and crazy fans.”

“Ah.” Sylvain rested his head back on the pillow. “I knew she was weird.”

“Well, next time there’s a weird fan maybe call someone.”

“I think I’ve got your number still.”

“Idiot.”

“Hey Claude, am I dreaming or is Dima behind you?”

“Hello Sylvain.” Dimitri chuckled at the old nickname.

“What are you doing here? Am I dying?”

“Not yet. Let’s not push our luck, though shall we?”

“So, this is just a nice little out of nowhere no reason visit?”

“Is that so odd?”

“Yes.”

“Fair enough. Hmm… Let’s just say… I wasn’t exactly the one who decided to show up at your bedside randomly, just the one who provided the transportation.”

Sylvain frowned.

What?

Who…?

Any fog that had been floating around his brain suddenly lifted. He sat up trying to untangle himself from the stupid thin sheet thing covering him. “Where is he?”

“Hey. Lay still. You’re not out of here yet. Besides, he already left.” Claude gently pushed him back in bed.

Sylvain huffed a laugh. “He would. He would fly out here. Finally, be in the same room as me. Only to leave before I could even see him.”

“It was quite the flight too.” Dimitri nodded. “He flew the helicopter.”

“What?! I don’t think he’s flown that since… I don’t even know! It’s been years?”

“He sort of remembered as he went along… but I wasn’t letting him tempt fate twice tonight.”

He felt himself smiling, a real smile, despite himself. “He would do that. Damn him.”


End file.
